REMEMBRENCE

Lua Nova, 8 de Agosto de 2010

A boy stands by a window, just like he did years ago. The look on his face shows something that, usually, one isn't allowed to show: emotions. So many memories I'd rather not have.
Besides, we're talking about "Him". The first and last boy (until now) who killed a Redeemer, one of the few who escaped this Sanctuary - though he was the first who did it sucessfully - with two more acolytes and returned alone after months, was allowed to stay alive and live there as nothing ever happened. The one and only Thomas Cale. In the Sanctuary, everyone knows that he never shows anything so frivole as emotions... As a matter of fact, he is known for not having feelings towards anyone. That's almost true... I do not show my feelings often. Sometimes I think I've burried them for good, but then I see something that makes me remember her and then I have a mixture of weird feelings that I can easily hide as I've come to learn all these years.
Now he was 21 years old. Since he returned, he was given a room with a door (the key that he proudly carried around his waist, had given him a superior status, when compared to the other children). After all, pride is my worst sin.
Among the acolytes, he was feared as ever... However, now the Redeemers couldn't touch a single strand of his hair: they were aware of the danger that represented for them. They would be either killed by him or by the Lord of the Lords - his "protector".
He had been outside the Sanctuary many more times, all for the sake of a successful plan. My plan.
First, small villages that weren't even on maps. Then the outskirts. Most of the small countries have already disappeared. The Sanctuary had trained some boys that were already infiltrated in the security of the "big" countries. It was too easy. Everything and everyone would be annihilated.
But one there was only one thing: the last familly to be killed would be hers. The Materazzi family.
The family where she belonged, his former lover. He would never forget her and all they live through... Therefore I will never forgive her!
When Arbell betrayed him, his world fell apart. He fought for her, he'd die for her... All for her love. And he thought that she'd love him too. I was so wrong, so blind that I missed the big picture: she would never love a monster like me.
She gave up of everything he had given her for saving her family. He meant nothing for her. That's why he left her with a similar poem written by her great-grandfather that she held dear in her heart. The only difference was that it was a threat and she would remember every sentence of it until the last breath of her short life... I'll make sure to say it out loud, while I kill her taking my sweet time enjoying the sight of her beautiful eyes wide in fear, her pale body shaking and her mouth screaming silently because she's mortified of me.

I am bound to you with cables that not even God can break.

One day, if there is a soft breeze on your cheek, it may be my breath;

One night, if the cool wind plays with your hair, it may be my shadow passing by.

That night she'll see... Now I am a monster.




P.S.: Eu não tenho quaiquer direitos sobre The Left Hand of God.
As personagens, o seu passado e o poema (c) Paul Hoffman
Fiz este texto apenas porque me apeteceu fazer um pequena fanfic deste livro, pelo qual fiquei viciada...

NEVERMIND

Lua Nova, 10 de Agosto de 2010


It's a Thursday morning. People run from one side to another... It's fun to watch them.
Don't get me wrong, it's obvious that you have already seen this. What I mean is that is fun to really watch them. Watch how different people are in the street at this hour: different cultures, different sizes, different personalities, different tasks. Have you ever stopped to think about this? Or are you one of them, always running around just worrying with you? Most of the times I'm there too... Too worried with my life.
However, I have my moments. When I realize that I'm becoming too obsessed with the future and not living the present I stop.
I just stop. Today is one of those days... I should be like that couple running to get in time to class, but not today. I decide to ditch classes: it's not like I have a test or something, it's a regular History class that I can catch up tomorrow, so it doesn't matter. Of course I'm in college and I should be more responsible...
I agree with it. On the other hand, now it's the time to make mistakes, try new things... Or else I can get a bitter old lady whose only company is a cat, because I didn't dare to live and I wouldn't do it then.
I have nothing against old ladies who have cats... I just prefer dogs. If I had cats I'd definitely be bitter... But I'm off the topic.
I'm at the park and my company is a stray dog (I gave him half of my lunch once I got here and he didn't let go of me since then, not that I care). Besides us, the other people at the park are two physical maniacs who keep running, stretching and running again around the park (that's one thing I don't get - why some people like running). The reason for that is the rain. Exactly, the rain.
It's raining for a while and I'm here spending this morning sat under a tree with my new buddy. I love the rain... That was the turning point of this morning. I was walking down the street, all the way down to the University, thinking about the work I had to do, in order to deliver it in two weeks. That's when I start feeling some drops falling on my face and everything on my mind went blank, except for the fact that I wanted to stay there, free from everything.
I went to the park always under the rain... It was good until it got heavier that's when I found the dog and decide to find shelter under the tree where he was.
I could decide to "stop" other day, but I wanted to do it today... And I don't regret it: I think I just found a dog to take home! Who knows what can happen later? For now I think I got to go with Bryan (my new dog) to a shop and buy him a collar and a leash. And probably some food.
For both of us.

ESCOLHAS

Lua Nova, 11 de Julho de 2010


A palavra "escolher" vem do latim "excolligere", que significa recolher ou obter. Se pensarmos bem, sempre que temos de fazer uma escolha recolhemos o máximo de informação possível para termos a certeza de que não nos arrependemos das escolhas que fazemos.
Todos os dias temos de fazer escolhas... Parecem algo inevitável. Claro que todas as escolhas são diferentes! Não apenas porque diferem no assunto, mas também porque as consequências que acarretam são diferentes: escolher uma camisola é diferente de escolher uma casa (como é óbvio)...
Somos humanos, porque raciocinamos. A razão diferencia-nos do resto dos animais. Somos livres de pensar e escolher. Isto é o que a lógica nos diz. Na verdade não somos assim tão livres...
Voltando a um dos exemplos anteriores: a escolha da camisola. Vamos a uma loja e queremos comprar uma camisola. Escolhemos as nossas preferidas, experimentamos e compramos a que gostámos mais. Aparentemente, uma escolha da nossa livre vontade. No entanto, apenas escolhemos essa camisola, porque a cor da mesma é a cor que está na moda, porque o seu corte nos assenta melhor do que as outras, porque ainda nenhuma das pessoas que conheço tem, porque já foi escolhida por estilista de um monte de outras camisolas que poderíamos ter sido nós a escolher... Vendo bem, a nossa escolha está muito condicionada!
Mesmo assim, somos nós que temos a liberdade de escolher ou não.
Mas, não são estas as escolhas que nos preocupam muito. As que nos poderão preocupar são as que afectam o resto da nossa vida.
Quando nos deparamos com este tipo de escolha é que sentimos o peso do mundo sobre os nossos ombros.
Temos um vasto leque de hipóteses à nossa frente. Isso só dificulta a escolha! Não temos capacidade de decidir qual é a correcta... Não sabemos como vai ser o futuro. Não sabemos se vamos mudar. Não sabemos se os outros vão mudar.
Neste estado de abulia é tudo tão desconcertante. Podemos pedir ajuda? Claro que sim! Podemos sempre ouvir as opiniões de outras pessoas que podem estar ou não ligadas ao assunto.
É sempre bom saber a opinião dos outros (embora se corra o risco de ser condicionados por elas)... Recolhemos mais informação e temos maior probabilidade de fazer a escolha correcta. O único problema é: quanto mais próximas as pessoas são de nós (i.e.: família; amigos), mais nos importamos com a sua opinião, logo queremos que a nossa escolha também tenha a aprovação deles, como se fosse a sua "escolha". Pedimos uma opinião a alguém próximo e esse alguém assume a nossa posição e escolhe o que mais lhe agrada. Se pedirmos a alguém diferente faz o mesmo: «Se fosse eu...». Aí é que encontramos a raíz do problema... Os outros escolhem o que mais lhes agrada e esquecem-se que lhe pedimos a opinião para nós e para o que mais nos agrada.
Mas o melhor de toda a situação é o final da frase «Se fosse eu...». Esta acaba quase sempre de maneira semelhante a «... mas tu é que sabes!», «... mas a decisão é tua.» ou «... mas isto sou eu.». Resumindo e concluindo, ficamos na mesma quanto ao que queremos, acrescendo o peso de talvez dever escolher o que alguém quer... Mas, como é óbvio, nunca nos querem influenciar. Se acham que há sarcasmo nesta última frase, têm razão: quando perguntamos a opinião de alguém, a maioria das pessoas querem influenciar-nos para seguir a sua escolha, podendo até ficar ressentidos com a nossa escolha se for diferente da deles.
Outra coisa divertida nas escolhas (repara que, mais uma vez, o sarcasmo está presente nesta frase) é o tipo de situações em que sabemos precisamente o que queremos e os outros acham que sabem melhor do que nós o que queremos, ou então quando primeiramente escolhemos uma coisa que todos aprovaram e à medida que o tempo passa mudarmos a nossa opinião sobre essa escolha e fazer outra diferente que já nem todos aprovam, porque acham que devíamos continuar a manter a nossa primeira escolha.
Eu faço as minhas escolhas e não digo a ninguém. Deste modo, ninguém me julga e sei que a escolha foi minha e não apenas a influência de outra pessoa. Sei que há a possibilidade de não ser a melhor escolha... Também tenho dúvidas e não quero perder tempo em algo que não vai dar certo ou que não é o que realmente quero. Por mais tempo que ainda possa ter, não o quero desperdiçar... Mas, se tenho dúvidas, significa que pode não ser o que eu realmente quero.
O que interessa é que temos de fazer as nossas escolhas de acordo com o que nós queremos.
É a nossa vida em jogo, quer seja a escolha certa ou errada.
Temos de aprender com elas.
Isto é que significa ser humano.
Isto é que significa ser livre.

(ESQUECIDO)

Lua Nova, 12 de Junho de 2010

Hoje vou chegar atrasado... Eu tentei, a sério que tentei. Mas viver junto à praia durante o Verão, significa filas de carros todos os dias.
"Bom dia, Rui. Hoje, estás atrasado." A recepcionista cumprimentou-me.
"Olá! Eu sei... Tentei vir o mais rápido que pude, mas -"
"Não te preocupes, ainda tens muito tempo. Ela hoje não está de muito bom humor e demorámos muito mais tempo a fazer com que tomasse banho."
"Desculpem."
"Não precisas de pedir desculpa, nós sabemos que ela não tem culpa. E tu também não, por isso vai e aproveita a última hora que te resta."
"Ok." Apressei-me para o quarto onde ela estava.
Nº 135, 137, 139 e cá está: 141. Bati a porta.
Não houve resposta. Esperei e bati de novo...
"Sim?" Respondeu uma voz muito irritada.
Abri a porta e tentei a minha sorte. "Desculpe incomodá-la Sra. Helena, mas posso entrar?"
"Depende do que vem fazer." Disse a mulher que estava sentada na cama, a olhar fixamente para a janela.
"Venho conversar... Se não quiser eu posso-me ir embora." Acrescentei com um tom de tristeza.
"Só conversar?" Virou-se para mim.
"Só conversar." Assegurei-lhe com um sorriso.
"Acho que não faz mal... É bom para variar de todas os outros que aqui estiveram hoje. Onde é que já se viu! A forçarem-me a comer, a tomar comprimidos e até me tentaram despir!" Ela disse muito revoltada.
Tentei acalmá-la. "De certeza que só queriam ajudá-la..."
"Eu não preciso da ajuda deles!" Gritou. "O que preciso é de ir para casa. Ir para a minha família..." Voltou-se de novo para a janela. "Mas, afinal quem és tu?"
Sentei-me no sofá perto da cama. "Ricardo."
"Ricardo, hum?" Desviou a sua atenção para mim e analisou-me de alto a baixo. Mantive alguma esperança que me reconhecesse. "Podes tratar-me por Lena."
Já devia esperar que não o fizesse. "Ok!" Sorri-lhe. "Estava-me a dizer que tinha de ir para casa, porquê?"
"Porque o meu filho está sozinho em casa... Sozinho, não. As enfermeiras dizem que telefonaram à minha irmã para ficar com ele enquanto estou de observação." Endireitou-se. "Pelos vistos desmaiei no centro comercial e fui trazida para aqui."
"Sério? Mas é alguma coisa séria?"
"Parece que não, mas querem fazer uma data de exames e preferem que eu fique por cá." Suspirou enquanto olhava para mim. "E você, Ricardo? O que está aqui a fazer?"
"Bem, eu..." O que é que tenho desta vez? "Tenho de fazer uns raios-X. Acho que torci o pé a jogar basquetebol. Enquanto esperava reslvi ver se haveria alguém com quem pudesse conversar."
"Joga basquetebol?" Assenti com a cabeça. "Sabe... Esse é o desporto preferido do meu filho! Ele tem 7 anos e eu queria inscrevê-lo num clube qualquer, onde ele pudesse jogar à vontade... Mas, não sei de nenhum que seja compatível com o meu horário. Nestas alturas é que dava jeito que o pai dele ainda estivesse vivo..."
Acho que se a conversa continuar eu começo a chorar. "Eu posso procurar alguns... Amanhã quando voltar passo por aqui e dou-lhe a lista."
Os olhos dela brilharam com alegria. "A sério? Faria isso por mim?"
"Claro!" Por ti faria qualquer coisa... "No entanto, agora tenho de me ir embora."
"Oh! Muito obrigada... Quando o Rui crescer, espero que seja um jovem como o Ricardo."
Corei. "Com uma mãe como a Lena, de certeza que será. Adeus."
"Adeus, até amanhã."
Levantei-me e saí do quarto. Mais um dia em que não se lembrava de mim.
Das primeiras vezes, saía de repente do quarto lavado em lágrimas... Muitas vezes ainda é isso que me apetece fazer. Principalmente quando perguntava «Quem és?».
Passei pela recepcionista e relatei-lhe a visita e ela anotava no processo.
Depois, agradeceu-me e despediu-se. "Adeus! Não te preocupes... Se ela se lembrar de alguma coisa, da visita de hoje, de outro dia, ou da realidade, telefono-te o mais rápido possível."
Agradeci-lhe e fui-me embora do lar.
Sinceramente, nunca pensei que tivesse de passar por isto. Pensava que este tipo de coisas só aparecia em filmes, livros ou então só acontecia aos outros...
Isto prova que estava enganado. Agora já aceitei isto. Já sei que não é um pesadelo... A dor que sinto após cada visita semanal relembra-me de que estou acordado.
Não há nada que magoe mais um filho do que não ser reconhecido pela própria mãe.
No entanto, é isto que acontece quando alguém tem Alzheimer... Pessoas magoadas, quando os entes mais queridos se esquecem de todos os laços que formaram durante a vida.

I LOVE YOU - alternative chapter 10

Aviso: Para as pessoas que leram o outro capítulo e gostaram: não leiam este. Este capítulo apresenta um final alternativo para a história. Eu avisei-vos...


I don't think I can say it out loud! But I agreed to do it, so here goes... "I love... a guy." ... nothing. He looked a bit dumbfounded. "Errr... All right?"
"He's in our school." Why am I so embarassed? He already said he loved me, what am I afraid of? "He hasn't blond hair nor blue eyes." Maybe because I can't believe him.
"Hey, Kim..." I looked at him. "Calm down and breathe... You look like you're about to have a heart attack."
I did as he told me. It seemed to work, so I continued... "Actually, he's somewhat of an idiot." He smothered a chuckle. Only if he knew it was him... I smiled. This was becoming really entertaing! Time for some jealousy. "Even so, he's very smart. He's one of the best students in his class." He twitched an eyebrow. "And he isn't only brains, he has the looks too."
"Well, why don't you skip all the compliments to your Prince Charming and give me a name..." He said infuriated. "Maybe I can take care of his «looks»!"
"Stop it!" I was trying so hard not to laugh. "If you keep saying that I won't tell you anything!"
He shut up.
"Thank you... I'll continue, but it will be the way I want to. Where was I? Oh! I know. He's so beautiful... What I love more about him is his eyes. Its colour is so unusual but still so magnetic! He looks at you in such an intense way that it seems that looks right through you..."
He was so flushed and hurt that he looked miserable but still he didn't say a word. I was going to end this.
"Even being like this, he's not arrogant. He's the kindest and cutest person I know... Maybe that's why he's so popular." I gathered all my courage to say it. I wasn't afraid anymore: he was my friend, respected me and, above of all, he loved me.
"He doesn't need blond hair... His light brown hair is enough." I looked directly to him.
"He doesn't care about blue eyes... His gold ones stand out more." I stood up in put myself in front of him.
"He may be a jerk sometimes... But he's my best friend." I smiled at his surprise.
"He is the one I love." I ended closing the small space between us with a soft kiss.
I can't believe myself. I did it!
"I love you."
Jeff stared at me... He was so quiet that I thought he was going to end up in a coma again but he finally spoke. "You love me?" Then he flashed the biggest grin I've ever seen. "I was so worried that you'd say you loved any other guy... I thought I wouldn't bear with it! Seriously, I was about to storm out of the hospital and look everywhere for the guy just to punch him to death..." He then hugged me (the best he could, because of his broken arm). "Thanks. For everything..." He said this last words not louder than a whisper. I closed my eyes enjoying his warm embrace and we stood there for what seemed like hours.
Then I heard an annoying sound.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--
What was this?
--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--
I opened my eyes and saw the worst cenario ever. Jeff was lying in a bed in front of me and that sound was warning me that his heart had stopped.
--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--
"DAD!!" I screamed as loud as I could. "NURSE! Someone please HELP ME!"
I couldn't believe it! I was having a dream... All of it. Jeff never woke up.
--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--
He never knew how I felt about him. I let the tears flow freely from my eyes as my father and other doctors entered the room. There was so much noise. I didn't know how, but I already knew he wasn't going to make it. I just knew it...
They stopped everything and said the only thing I didn't want to hear. "Jeffrey Anderson: time of death 4:27 a.m.."
--eeeeeeeeeeeee-p
The nurse turned the machine off.
My whole body was shaking. A while ago I was with him... Nothing seemed to have changed.
I looked at my father. He was saying something... I couldn't hear him, or I didn't want to... I don't know.
I left the room and run outside. I went against some people along the way because my vision was all blurry. I mumbled some kind of «Sorry.» and continued not even caring if the person was okay... I wasn't.

I got outside and stared at the road. There were already lots of vehicles speeding, not realizing that many of them can cause accidents... They just care about their own lives. Jeff wasn't like that. I started to move in their direction.
Someone grabbed my arm and pulled me back. It was my father.
"Kim! Please don't do that. Don't do anything stupid!" He was crying. I stayed there motionless, just staring. "I know how much it hurts..." He said, now looking at me. "To lose someone we love." It was as painful as stabbing my heart with knives, so I cried. I couldn't stop.
My father cried too. "I know how you feel, sweetheart. I already lost your mother and I don't want to lose you." My crying intensified. "That's why I want you to promise me that you won't do anything reckless... Anything that will make me repent for letting go of you."
"I promise." I said between loud sobs.
And I stood there with the last important person in my life until we both stop crying. Whether it was for old painful memories, brand new heartbreaking memories or future wrecking memories, I didn't know. Neither of us knew.
I only knew I had to survive through my only lover's death and I had a new promise to fulfil.
I promised that I wouldn't kill myself...
I don't care much because I will die.
However, I don't have to live.
I never promised that.

The (alternative) End

I LOVE YOU - chapter 10

I don't think I can say it out loud! But I agreed to do it, so here goes... "I love... a guy." ... nothing.
He looked a bit dumbfounded. "Errr... All right?"
"He's in our school." Why am I so embarassed? He already said he loved me, what am I afraid of? "He hasn't blond hair nor blue eyes." Maybe because I can't believe him.
"Hey, Kim..." I looked at him. "Calm down and breathe... You look like you're about to have a heart attack."
I did as he told me. It seemed to work, so I continued... "Actually, he's somewhat of an idiot." He smothered a chuckle. Only if he knew it was him... I smiled. This was becoming really entertaing!
Time for some jealousy. "Even so, he's very smart. He's one of the best students in his class." He twitched an eyebrow. "And he isn't only brains, he has the looks too."
"Well, why don't you skip all the compliments to your Prince Charming and give me a name..." He said infuriated. "Maybe I can take care of his «looks»!"
"Stop it!" I was trying so hard not to laugh. "If you keep saying that I won't tell you anything!"
He shut up.
"Thank you... I'll continue, but it will be the way I want to. Where was I? Oh! I know. He's so beautiful... What I love more about him is his eyes. Its colour is so unusual but still so magnetic! He looks at you in such an intense way that it seems that looks right through you..."
He was so flushed and hurt that he looked miserable but still he didn't say a word. I was going to end this.
"Even being like this, he's not arrogant. He's the kindest and cutest person I know... Maybe that's why he's so popular." I gathered all my courage to say it. I wasn't afraid anymore: he was my friend, respected me and, above of all, he loved me.
"He doesn't need blond hair... His light brown hair is enough." I looked directly to him.
"He doesn't care about blue eyes... His gold ones stand out more." I stood up in put myself in front of him.
"He may be a jerk sometimes... But he's my best friend." I smiled at his surprise.
"He is the one I love." I ended closing the small space between us with a soft kiss.
I can't believe myself. I did it!
"I love you."
Jeff stared at me... He was so quiet that I thought he was going to end up in a coma again but he finally spoke. "You love me?" Then he flashed the biggest grin I've ever seen. "I was so worried that you'd say you loved any other guy... I thought I wouldn't bear with it! Seriously, I was about to storm out of the hospital and look everywhere for the guy just to punch him to death..." He then hugged me (the best he could, because of his broken arm). "Thanks." He looked so peaceful. "I love you so much! Thank you for everything..."
"Anytime." And so, we stood there holding each other and secretly vowing to love each other for the rest of our days on Earth.
I knew he'd never let me down. His golden eyes told me that.
He knew I knew that. His love for me showed that.

The End

EXPLANATION - chapter 9

What the fuck?
My left cheek sting as hell!
"You... You slapped me!" I shouted at her.
She was clearly embarassed: her face was completely red that I'd joke about it in other situation. "You could have said «No!» or something like that!" I kept screaming. "I didn't know you hated me that much!"
"Excuse me? You're the one who ignored me a whole week and when I asked you why you just glared and turned away!" She retorted.
"And slapping me solves anything?"
"Yes! I mean... No! But it helps..."
"What?" I can't believe it! What about anger management classes?
"Now you can start and explain why is that you've been running away from me." She stated while sitting down on my bed. "I demand an explanation."
She demands? "All right. I've been thinking." About you, truth to be told.
"Wow." She said emotionless. "That's a first."
"What? You wanted an explanation!"
"So, you started thinking and came to the conclusion that you don't want to hang out with me?"
"Hum? No, I never said that!" Is she insane? Where did she came up with that theory?
"Then «I've been thinking.» isn't an explanation for avoiding me."
"Errr... Just stop acting like that! I wasn't avoiding you! The thing is: the guys said some stuff and I needed some time to think about it." I explained. "On my own."
"Why didn't you tell me that? It would have been easier."
How was I going to get out of this? Now you could be very helpful. "It crossed my mind... But then you'd get in Sherlock Holmes' mode and try to find out what was the things they told me." I used as an excuse. A good one. "Now it's my turn of demanding explanations." She sat up straight and I continued. "Why did you slap me? If your excuse was true then you'd have done it earlier... Now spit it!"
She took a deep breath. "Well... You are my best friend and I don't want to ruin this friendship?..."
"I don't buy it."
"It was because of the shock?"
"Nope." She could at least put a bit more effort on it. "Let's put it other way... Why did you kissed back instead of pushing away?"
She didn't answer and look other way.
"So?"
She flushed even more.
"You're in love with other guy, right?" Her head snapped in my direction. "It's the only explanation..."
"What?" She whispered. "That's not it..."
"Then what is it?" I was boiling in rage. "I bet you like that Ben from the other class... Who wouldn't fall for a boy with blond hair and blue eyes who has the guts to proclaim is love in front of everyone? That's so typical that I'd never expected it from you..."
She was trembling with anger. "That is not true. You know that I hated the fact that he shouted out loud from the top of the stairs how much he loved me and wanted to be my lover... Besides he's not the one that I love."
See? I knew it! "So there's love after all!" I didn't try to hide the scowl on my face.
"..."
"Who is he?" She turned away. "Tell me."
"Why do you care anyway?" She asked. "You're one of the most popular guys on the school and you have a very large group of girls who gladly would date you... And that includes all the other girls in our class. So, why me?"
"In case you missed the kiss a while ago I love you!" I bet that now I was even more flushed than she was. "You and not any other girl on the whole school."
"Why?"
"Because you're not a typical girl..." I was smiling a bit now. "You understand me, solve all the «problems» I get into, don't crawl all over me expecting popularity and a lot of other things." I added.
She looked like she was about to cry but it was somewhat different... More like she was too happy. "True." She chuckled.
"The true reason why I was keeping some distance between us was because the boys were saying jokes about us acting like a old married couple, though we weren't one, and when I explained that they got all surprised because we looked like boyfriend and girlfriend because we're together all the time and so close... And about how protective I am of you." I told her. "So I started thinking about it and came to the conclusion that I cared about you... A lot. So I avoided you to think more clearly. When you came and confronted me about it I didn't meant to glare, I was just angry at myself about not noticing earlier how much I loved you and I totally forgot that you were there waiting for an explanation." I finished. I looked at her and notice how glad she was. "The least you could do is telling me who do you love... I'm still your friend."
"Fine."

KISS - chapter 8

I got up and paid for my breakfast. What would I do now? Go home or wait?
I picked up my phone and wondered whether to call my father or not. As if it was magic it rang.
"Hi, dad!"
"Hi. Where are you?" My father retorted.
"I'm still in the hospital. Somewhere in the 4th floor."
"Oh. All right. Do you plan on going home or will you stick around with Jeff?"
Well, not exactly with Jeff. "Err... I'll be around here and then go home with you." Good, this way I won't be lying.
My father said «goodbye» and hung up... Now the only question left: what will I do?

Going back to Jeff's room doesn't sound like a good idea. Even though I know that he probably doesn't want me around, I guess I wouldn't bear to hear that from his mouth.
I could always go and take a walk in the garden... Yeah, that's a good idea!

"Aaarrghh!! Leave me alone!" Someone was shouting in the lobby. I rushed there to see what was happening.
"I'm sorry, but you have to come with me." It was another person. His voice didn't seem very happy.
"But I didn't do anything wrong!!" A boy said in his defence. "And I'm telling the truth! My arm IS broken!"
"I don't care! Who the hell said that you could enter the supplies room?" So the other man should be a policeman or something like that...
"I already apologized... I was only looking for someone and... Ooouch!!!" That sounds painful. "Excuse me! Could you at least hold me by the other arm?!"

When I got there, well, you can picture the scene: the policeman dragging the boy outside the hospital. And now... Surprise, surprise: the boy is Jeff. I should have guessed... I leave him alone and he screws everything up. Maybe I should just let the man take him... And again, if I did that there was the possibility that my father would be accused of negligence or so for letting a stupid patient, also known as Jeff, alone.
I was going to rescue him. "Excuse me, officer."
Two (very surprised) heads turn to face me. Jeff was the first one to talk. "Kim! Thank god you're here. I wa-"
"Quiet!" The man ordered Jeff and then talked to me. "Yes?"
"I'm very sorry for Jeff... My name is Kim and I know him: he's my father's patient. He suffered a car accident and hit his head, so he must be a bit confused and left the room, probably looking for me." I explained to the very angry man in front of me. After staring at me for a while his face softened... My apologetic and innocent look is amazing.
"Very well. Please make sure you don't leave him alone this time." The policeman let Jeff go, who immediately run to my side. "I don't want to be disturbed again because of him."
"I'm sorry." I apologized again and elbowed Jeff.
"What the hell, Kim?" He muttered and after glaring at him he talked to the officer. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble." And with that we left.

We got to the elevator. Neither I nor he had said a word. When we got in no one was there, so I decided to burst. "Have you lost your mind?"
He looks at me. "What?"
"I left you alone while I went to eat breakfast and you were already being expelled from the hospital! For God's sake! You only woke up this morning and it's only 1:30 p.m.!" I was screaming really loud by the time we got to his bedroom. "Can't you live without me to cover for you?"
He was staring at me like I had asked the most stupid question in the whole world.
"No." He simply stated.
...
Was he testing my patience?
He continued, smirking. "After all, it's your part of the deal."
"But I won't be always around..." I explained. "There will come the time when we'll break apart."
"I don't want to." He said, looking serious.
When I was about to reply he came forward and kissed me. At first, I didn't know what was happening (I mean, this couldn't be truth... It was too good) but after a while I gave in.
When we broke for air, I woke up from this mindfuck and did the only logical thing to do in this situation...

REMINISCENCE - chapter 7

"But, as you're okay, maybe I should get going."
Where did you go, Kim?

"I don't want to force you to speak to me."
I don't understand you. What did you mean by that?

"-, Jeff." Someone called me.
"Errr... Come again?"
"We're so glad that you're awake but we have to go home and warn your sister." My mother said.
"You have your clothes here." My father started. "If you need anything else call us. Bye."
"OK, no problem. See ya!"

I'm alone again... I'd like to be here with Kim.
Well, she was really angry at me (for no apparent reason) so I shouldn't count on seeing her anytime soon.
However, there was something else in her eyes when she stormed out... She was hurt. I've already seen her like that.

Thank goodness I stole the janitor's keys.
Wait. That's not good! I got myself in more trouble... Well, I could always hide in this music room for eternity. At least until lunch break...
Oh crap! Someone's coming in! That awful man found me! Maybe he doesn't see me in the darkness.
Err... That's not the ape-face-janitor. It's a girl... If I keep this up I'm gonna have a heart attack. Fortunately she'll turn away and leave.
I still have to be born 1000 times until luck is on my side... Now she's hiding next to the drums... And sobbing.
"Buahhhh!"
And crying. Awww, man.
As it seems we're both hiding, we could talk. "Are you okay?" Ok, I know this is stupid... If she's crying she's not fine. "Errr... I mean... Hi! Who are you? I've never seen you around."
She's shocked to say the least. On the other hand she stopped crying.
"Hello." This was her answer. "My name's Kim. I've just moved here, today is my first day at this school."
"I see. Why were you crying?" I asked. "I mean, school isn't that bad."
She kept silent. I decided to shut up.
The bell rang warning it was lunch time. We didn't move an inch. There was a lot of noise, mainly students running. I took advantage of the loud sound to move around and sit next to her. Next ot her I could admire her features. "Wow, you've got red hair!"
She shifted uncomfortably and seemed even more hurt. Damn.
"It's because of that." She said bluntly.
"What?"
"Because of my hair." She answered. "In my class they started to mock me because of its colour."
I stared at her. "Why?"
"They're always comparing it with blood. The girls are always saying that I probably got a shower of pig's blood just like Carrie and then it dried on my head..." She was crying again. "I never wanted to come here in first place." She started raising her voice. "It's all because of my father! He insisted that we had to move or else we wouldn't be able keep living."
"Why?"
"Because of my mom's death."
I couldn't believe. She's lost her mother and her classmates made her suffer even more. It was so cruel.
"I'm sorry." I said while I hugged her in a attempt to stop her tears. "I didn't want you to recall more pain."
Her sobbing subsided. So I continued. "However, I'm sure that the girls in your class are just envious of you."
She chuckled. "Yeah sure." Sarcasm in her voice. "I can see why..."
"For real! I really like the colour of your hair... It looks like fire. It's such an unusual colour that no one can stop and not look at it. Besides it contrasts with the green of your eyes." This sounded really cheesy and corny but she was getting better. And it was true.
"Well, that still doesn't solve my initial problem."
"Hum... I think I can do something about that!" I said with a smirk.
She stared at me in disbelief.
"You just have to change class... If you want I can go with you in the afternoon and get the papers." I explained. "You can change into my class. We're all nice people to hang out. And I promise that if anyone picks on you, I'll stand up and protect you!" Oh yeah! This sure was a cool way to end it."You never have to be alone."
"Really?" She was smiling now. "Thanks!" I saw her eyes bright with happiness and that was... Woah! I don't know... Amazing? Kind of.
"In return..." I added. "Please, make up a good excuse that I can use for breaking the classroom's window and stealing the janitor's keys..."
She smiled. I knew that she was already thinking in one on her mind. "Don't worry. But first... Can we have something to eat, ..."
"Jeff." I forgot to present myself.
"- Jeff?" She finished her sentence.
"Of course! Let's get going." And we both took of.

"How am I supposed to fulfil my promise if you run away?" I wondered out loud.
I made up my mind. I'm going to sneak out of this bedroom. I only have a broken arm, I can go look for her. She should wait until her father finishes his shift.
After all, how hard can it be?

RUNNING - chapter 6

"Wait! Don't go!!" He screamed.
His parents entered the room and she took the chance to run away. "Jeff!" "Son, you're awake!" "We have been so worri-" The voices were fading away.
Kim kept on running through the hallway until she got to her father's office. He wasn't there.
"What can I do?" The only answer she got was a growl from her stomach. "Maybe I'll go to the café."
Once the ladies working in the café laid eyes on her they started spilling all that crap that she wasn't on the mood to hear. Yet she forced a smile. For her dad.

"Is it really you Kim?"
Of course I am.
"You're so grown up."
That usually happens to people when they're alive, you know?
"And a beautiful girl too."
Maybe for you. For Jeff... I must be disgusting.
"Have you ever thought about dying your hair?"
I have. But I won't and never will.

When they finished the talking I asked for breakfast: french-toast and apple juice.
I sat on the corner table waiting for my order to come. In the meantime, all I could think about was the time I met him.

I just moved to a new school and girls are already mocking me about my hair. Why did I have to move in here anyway? I wanted to stay in my hometown where mom... Now I started crying! It's already a month after mom's death (more tears) and I can't even accept it!
If someone sees me like this, I'll be made fun of until the rest of my days on Earth. I have to find a place to hide... There I can cry my eyeballs out. "But where?"
I know! The music room. It's said that it's only used to practice at night. I headed there as fast as I could, keeping the tears inside.
When I got there I knocked. No one answered. I entered the dark (and quite dusty) room and found a place to sit and hide beside the drums.

"There you have, dear."
I snapped from my day dreaming and thanked the woman handing my breakfast. I started digging in.
...
Wow, this apple juice is really good.

REALITY - chapter 5

"Ouch! Look at my arm! It's all bruised and scratched!" Jeff complained.
"Good! Next time, you better warn a person that she... Wasn't as presentable as she could." The girl said him. She continued. "Now, getting to the main point of our previous conversation: do you want to know what happened?"
He nodded. It was time to get serious.
"So listen."

--Flashback--

I was preparing to leave when the paramedics asked if I wanted to go in the ambulance with him, since I was the only one who knew him. I glanced at my father pleading for an answer. What should I do?
"How is it gonna be?" The man's voice pulled me back to reality. "We have to hurry!"
"Of... Of course I want." I managed to say. "Dad... We meet at the hospital, okay?"
"No problem." And he left.
The paramedics helped me into the ambulance and we were heading to the hospital. It seems like it was a scene of a movie... The sounds, the people, the blood... The only difference is that this was reality. Welcome to the real world.
I started to cry and one of the men in the ambulance comforted me. "He is going to be all right. Don't worry." This wasn't right. They shouldn't pay attention to me, but to Jeff. (At least this was what I wanted to say, but instead I burst into tears...).

We get to the hospital and the entered to the ER and I had to stay outside waiting for my father.

He finally came and handed my cell phone. I dialled Jeff's number as fast as possible.
It's calling...
Still the same...
Voicemail. I hung up and tried again.
Calling...
...
Voicemail again.
I don't have his parents' number... What do I do?
My father noticed my teary eyes and calmed me down. "Don't worry... Try to call that friend of yours... The one who has a pink bag with a huge teddy bear painted on it. Isn't she his neighbour?" I was already dialling her number.
Calling...
...
Please answer.
"Hello?"
"Riza? Thank God! I need you to do me a huge favor."
"Of course. Anything."
"Warn J.'s parents to come to the hospital."
"Why? Has something happened?"
"Jeff was hit by a car and currently has lost his senses." My voice is starting to tremble.
"Oh no! I'll go warn them right away."
"Thanks."
"No, it's okay. Please warn me when he wakes up. Bye"
"Fine. Bye"

--Present--

Woops. I started texting Riza.
In the meantime I asked Jeff something that was bothering me for a while. "Hey, J.!"
"Yes?" He retorted.
"Where the hell is your phone?"
"I left it the gym's locker. I was going to get it when that man ran me over."
"Hum... I spent a really long time trying to contact your family. If you haven't forgotten, it had been helpful." I sighed. "Anyway, after that your parents came. They spent the first day here and yesterday they went home to get you a change of clothes."
He interrupted me. "What about you? You didn't have to stay."
"I stayed here with your parents because I was worried. Yesterday, my father had to do a double shift and I took the chance to stay here too." (But I would stay with him through everyday until he'd wake up, even if my father didn't have to work in the hospital during the night.) Then I remembered that he maybe didn't want me there since Friday he refused to talk with me. "But, as you're okay, maybe I should get going."
He stared at me confused. "Err... Why?"
"I don't want to force you to speak to me."

FIGHT - chapter 4

"What's the last thing you remember?"
He thought about it. "A car hit me and then I was lying on the street until I lost my senses."
"Wow. Such a detailed explanation..." I sighed. "As you've such a short memory I'll tell you what happened. Apparently you were hit by a driver who was texting to his friends, so he didn't see you crossing the street. You must have taken a hard blow on your head because you were bleeding really bad when the ambulance arrived."
He suddenly interrupted me. "You were there weren't you? Back then, my head wasn't very clear, so I didn't figure it was you. But now... It seems that not recognizing you makes me the most dumb thing on Earth." (I must admit that I was really touched by his speech. This is, until he continued...) "Not realizing that the histerical redheaded girl screaming at my ears was you... I really was knocked out." I twitched an eyebrow and threwed him a pillow right to his face. (Bullseye!) Of course, he had to start complaining. "Hey! What the hell? Can't you take a joke like normal people? I'm sick here!" I retorted. "Yeah sure, big baby..."
"He's sure, Kim." We both look to where the voice had come. My father was entering the room. "I'm glad you're already awake, Jeff. First, if you didn't wake up soon, you could never woken up." Shivers run through my body... And I think they run through Jeff's body too. "Second, I don't think I could handle a sulking Kim for more than one week." Jeff bursted in laughter. I gapped... Even my dad was making fun of me. "However, now I have to check on other patients and as you're already so lively, I'll let you two talk for a bit longer while I finish the rounds." My father was leaving the room but stopped and turned back, facing me. "By the way, Kim, wipe the drool off your face." I blushed really bad, and quickly cleaned my face. I turned to Jeff... He looked like a maniac laughing (a really sick person wouldn't do that, right?). He knew about it... All. This. Time. "You didn't say anything! I'm going to kill you!" And with that my father left Jeff's room and went to check other patients.

LIGHT - chapter 3

...
Where the hell am I?
Am I dead?... 'Cause, if I am, being dead sucks.
It's dark and painful.
...
I can't be dead. Or else I wouldn't feel pain... right?
Arrgghhhh!! How do I know? I never died before!
...
Now that I think about it, it seems that I'm in a bed. And there is this annoying 'beep-beep' that sounds just like an heartbeat.
Woohoo!! I'm not dead! I'm not dead! I'm just stuck in a hospital bed. Lucky me!
By the way... What time is it? I'm tired of being in this pitch darkness.
It won't hurt to ask.
"Is someone there?"
No response. I just have to wait for a doctor or nurse to come.


There are steps approaching, the door is opening and a nurse is coming in. But doesn't turn the lights on and is only guiding herself with the hallway's light.
"Good night. Would you mind to turn on the lights or lit a candle? It's too dark in here and I'm not very sleepy..."
Well, by her silent reply I guess I scared her a bit.
"Hello. You're finally awake!" She said, more at ease now. "I'm sorry about the darkness in the bedroom, but I can raise the blinds... After all it's already morning." And start doing the new chore I had asked her.
"If you wait..." The nurse continued. "... 23 minutes, more or less, she will wake up."
"She?" All right... Now I'm confused.
"Yes. Now I'll finish the rounds and then call the doctor." And with that she walked away, and allowed me to see the sleeping form on the bed next to me.
That long dark red hair and pale skin wouldn't fool him anywhere: it was Kim.
As if she wanted to confirm my guess, she turned around to face me... Drooling! (It's taking me everything I've got not to burst out laughing right now.)
She seems so cute and defenseless like that... Wait! What am I saying? She's only my friend. Nothing more than that... I shouldn't have this kind of feelings for friends.
Even so, it's still true.

As much as I was enjoying this view, a sudden sound freaked me out.

"At night I hear it creeping
At night I feel it move
I'll never sleep here anymore"

Apparently, it was the alarm of Kim's phone... But she only shifted to the other side.
The volume keep on raising.

"I wish you never told me
I wish I never knew
I wake up screaming
It's all because of you"

She must be sound asleep for not hearing this... I'm almost deaf. (So what if I am exagerating? The volume is really high! Does she realize we are in a hospital?)

"So real these voices in my head
When it comes back you won't be
Scared and lonely
You won't be sca-"

After a lot of moans and grunts from her behalf she finally shut off the alarm.
I can't help but tease her about this.
"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty! I thought you'd never wake until all the hospital was here complaining..."
I must say that the look on her face was priceless. P-R-I-C-E-L-E-S-S. I'll never forget her face, even if I have amnesia. Green eyes wide open in shock, a giant mess of bed hair framing her freckled cheeks and drool still on her face (which I wouldn't warn her about).
It's a pity that she shruged that look away and came, as quickly as she could, with a reply. "Sleeping Beauty? Me? You sure took your sweet time waking up... I'm here since Friday and it didn't seem that you wanted to wake up anytime soon."
"Since Friday?" What the hell happened? "What the hell happened?"
She sat back on the bed. "You were in a coma for two days."
I was in a... Coma?

RAIN - chapter 2

It was raining again... This weather is really bothering. One never knows what to expect.
Whatever.
I turned on the radio, maybe that would help.

"-I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch will be the end of me"

Great! Was everyone and everything against her?

"You could be the final straw that brings me back to earth
Ever-waiting airports full of the love that you deserve
Wishing I could find a way to wash away the past
Knowing that my heart will break, but at least the pain-"

"Why did you turned off the radio?" My dad asked. "I was liking the song."
I didn't even bother to answer him... I'm too angry for that.
What I didn't need was the song or my father to make fun of me.
My father's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Kim... Maybe it's better if you turn the radio on again."
"Why?" That's when I noticed the long line of cars in front of us. Apparently it was a car accident.
"Not in the mood for that, dad. Do you mind if I take a walk to see what happened? If there's need for a doctor I can always call you..."
"All right, but do it quickly or else it will start raining harder." And with that last warning from my father, I left the car.
This has been an incredibly bad day. I am in love with a classmate... That classmate happens to be one of my closest friends (and I'm okay with that, as weird as it may sound)... Lately, he seems to be avoiding me. I thought he liked me enough to spend time with me but when, today, I confronted him and demanded him to explain why was he walking away... He glared at me and turned away, leaving me standing at the verge of tears. I wish I could hate him.
That jerk!
Almost making me cry... Again.
Idiot.
I was arriving to the place of the accident. I tried to take a better look to what was happening... I was mistaken, it wasn't a car accident... A person had been hit by a car. A person who looked much alike to the idiot I've fallen in love with.
I started pulling people away. "Let me through."
When I arrived next to the victim I realized that really was Jeff. "It's really you, J.?"
I kneeled next to him and saw the bleeding on his head. Oh God!
I noticed that he was barely aware of what was happening around him.
"It's me! Don't worry I'm here." I tried to stop all that blood from flowing out.
He tried to focus on me.
"Hold on a bit longer." The bleeding wasn't stopping.
Stupid J. I'm crying again... And it's all your fault!
"Don't die." He lost his senses.
I hurried to get my father. He returned with me as soon as possible and kept trying my previous job on stopping the bleeding.
The ambulance arrived and while they carried Jeff inside I started to look for my phone to call his... If he didn't have it, maybe it was at his house and his parents answered.
Woops! I left mine at home too.
I asked my father to go home so I could follow my plan.
I was preparing to leave when the paramedics asked if I wanted to go in the ambulance with him, since I was the only one who knew him.
I glanced at my father pleading for an answer. What should I do?
"How is it gonna be?" The man's voice pulled me back to reality. "We have to hurry!"

DARK - chapter 1

Lua Nova, 14 de Maio de 2010

You may think who I am... How did this happen... Why am I here.
So, I'll tell you.
I was just leaving my soccer practice and crossing the road when I realized that I'd fortgotten my cell phone and wallet at the locker and because of that I turned back without noticing what was coming in my direction. As you probably guessed: a car.
First I only felt metal hitting me, then I couldn't feel the ground beneath me anymore... This is, until I felt my whole body coliding with it. After that, a large amount of pain flowed through my body and I could clearly feel my head throbbing.
I don't know how much time passed since the car hit me, however after sometime the driver was screaming (I guess I'd be screaming too, if I was in his situation) only to make my pain worse than it was before. Behind him another people appeared and gathered around me shouting and calling the police and the 911.
And now: here I am. Lying on the street.
While they are calling all the entities, usually called in situations like this, I'll try to make a quick check-up on my body, trying to move it bit by bit.
Feet: fine.
Legs: fine.
Hands: fine.
Arms: right one is fine; left one isn't so fine.
Head and neck: guess they're fine but never try it again (at least, not anytime soon).
I'm not paralized. Yay me!
Now I'll focus on the people around me. The number has increased, a lot... Which is pissing me off! And my vision is getting a bit blurry. This pisses me off too.
"Does he have any identification?" "Does someone here knows him?" Oh yeah! This was a great day to forget my things in the locker. Not a single familiar face here.
"How long will the ambulance take to get here?" Great question! I wouldn't mind if it hurried here.
"He doesn't look very well..." Hello??! How would you look if you were hit by a car?
Damn it. Damn it! DAMN IT! I'm losing my conscience... I gotta keep holding on!
I can't die here alone! (All right, I'm not alone... But I'm not with someone who I know!)
I've got to fight this. Damn all this.
"Let me through."
Just get a hold of yourself, man!
"It's really you, J.?"
Wait, me? Yes, it's me. I know this voice.
"It's me! Don't worry I'm here."
Why can't I say something?
At least see who she is!
Damn blurry vision!
"Hold on a bit longer."
It's all getting dark.
"Don't..."
Damn darkness!
"...die."
Damn me...

HIS

Lua Nova, 14 de Abril de 2010

It was getting on my nerves...
I had already spotted her several times when she was spying on us, or more especifically, on him. I won't be able to hold myself back much longer, if she continues to follow him around.
Ever since the day she asked him to be her partner, she didn't stop this stalking.
I know, I know... Who am I to blame and judge her? I'm his true partner, for a matter of fact. Therefore, I have my opinion in all of this. We've been together since the beginning. He is my best friend and I respect him. We weren't classified as a "perfect match" but even that has changed (I doubt that there would be many partners as close as we were now).
And another thing that I wouldn't confess to anyone on Earth... I love him.
That's why it bothered me: when she made that hateful request, he didn't answer her. He didn't say "Yes" but he didn't say "No"... And that hurt. Though I know he'd risk, no, he'd give his life to save mine (and he proved that too many times to count) which meant for sure that he values her, and I'm almost sure that he wouldn't do that for that new girl.
But at some times, all I want is scream at her, expose her in front of everyone (but I know that I'd be reacting only by jealousy)... However that would only satisfy my own selfish soul. If he didn't answer that means he has his own reasons and I'll respect that.
I would never accept someone else as my partner. He is my partner. Mine alone.
All I want is him to feel the same. I want him to see me as his partner. Only his.

SOMETHING DIFFERENT

Lua Nova, 15 de Março de 2010


I wake up in the morning and the sunlight is there as always to greet me. Still, I don't feel like waking up...
"Arrggghhh, but I have classes today!!
There's no point in arguing I have to get up."
Dressing up, take breakfast and walk to school... Same as ever.
"So, why do I feel so weird? It's like I'm uneasy about something."
Just drop the subject, Rose. Focus on school... You have to concentrate: tomorrow's the day of the test and you have studied~

"Hi, Rosy!!"

~nothing. And something is telling me that you won't be able to do it so soon...

"Hey, Cally."

"What's wrong with you?

I wouldn't mind a bit more 'smiling' in your greeting."

I wouldn't mind it either. But I just can't.

"I'm just worried about the test tomorrow.

I still have to study all out of 267 pages for it."

"Bah... Don't worry about it!

For someone like you is a piece of cake.

Even myself, the great Calliope, is not worried...

"The great Calliope?"

"Woah... So much sarcasm in three words.

Don't be so grumpy. I'm just trying to cheer you up!"

"All right, all right..."

I do feel a bit better, even though I feel like I'm completely out of place.

"Then distract me from myself... Any good gossips?"

"I always knew that I could bring you to the dark side of the gossips world!

Well, let's see:

- Amanda from class B is back to her 'ex';"

Who cares?

"- Joe from 11th grade, class E was caught taking pictures to the Principal playing Sims, while he was suppose to be in a important meeting;"

Thank God! Maybe this time he'll learn to be more discrete.

"- Ruth from class D disappeared, some people say that a suspicious guy followed her after school, but I think that's overreacting... Maybe she's just ditching;"

Let's hope so. Poor girl, she's always so shy...

"- Riley and his brother are going trough therapy because of their parents' divorce;"

That's so overreacting...

"- May is~

RRRRIIIIINNNG

Woohoo! Saved by the bell.

I thought that it was endless list.

"Maybe you can end it after school... Now: English Literature."

"Noooo..."

Geez! I don't know what to do with her... or without her.

"Thanks for trying to help me Cally."

Though it didn't change anything

"Always here for you!"

- After school is over -

"Hey, do you want to go with us to the mall?"

"You know I don't... Studying, remember?"

"Ok, Major Nerd... See you tomorrow then.

Bye!"

"See you!"

Now, get home as fast as possible and get to studying.

Maybe then this creepy feeling goes away.

It's getting darker... and colder.

"Brrr. So cold... I have to get~"

Why is my mouth covered?

What's this?

...Ruth from class D disappeared...

Who's this?

...a suspicious guy followed her...

Why do I keep thinking about this?

"Let~"

Was this the reason... for that feeling?

Like something was different?

"~me~"

Did I know that something was going to happen?

"~go!"

I just noticed the knife next to my neck.

It's starting to pierce it.

I'm going to die.

DIA DOS NAMORADOS

Lua Nova, 14 de Fevereiro de 2010


Apenas escrevo esta carta, porque sei que nunca a chegarás a ler e eu nunca terei a coragem de te a entregar. Por isso, esta é a única maneira de te poder dizer o que sinto.

Querido Daniel,
Andamos na mesma turma desde a primária, mas quase de certeza que não sabes disso. Nunca me falaste, ou sequer cumprimentaste... Eu até consigo perceber: és um dos rapazes mais populares e eu, nem por isso. Podia tentar Tento falar contigo, mas parece que sempre que arranjo coragem para falar, algo me impede de o fazer.
Por isso, aproveito este dia para escrever ficares a saber os meus sentimentos por ti. Todos os anos, o dia 14 de Fevereiro, Dia dos Namorados, é considerado um dos dias mais felizes do ano. Um dia para os apaixonados poderem dar largas à sua imaginação para surpreender e mostrar o que sentem quão forte é o seu amor pela outra pessoa. Um dia em que o amor é celebrado por todos quase todos. No entanto, será que alguém se lembra daquelas pessoas, como eu, que não têm ninguém a quem declarar o seu amor ou não o podem/conseguem fazer? Claro que não. Alguém imagina o quanto este dia faz sofrer essas pessoas? Não basta que durante o resto do ano não tenham alguém que amem e que sejam amadas, mas também criaram um dia que possam os relembra o quão falhados miseráveis são.
Mas eu não consigo sofrer mais. Preciso Tenho de desabafar de alguma maneira, por isso é que estou a escrever isto.
Sem mais demoras,

Daniel, eu AMO-TE.

Pronto. Está dito escrito.
Por alguma razão, sinto-me mais aliviada, mas mesmo assim continuo a sofrer e vou continuar até poder dizer isto cara-à-cara... E tu retribuires os meus sentimentos, claro.

Amo-te e amar-te-ei sempre,

S. A.

SER OU NÃO SER

Lua Nova, 15 de Janeiro de 2010

Não importa o que faço ou como ajo. Por mais que me esforce, nunca valerá a pena.
Sempre tentei agradar-vos, fazer o que querem, fazer com que tenham orgulho em mim. Não é só por mim que trabalho, quando estou até de madrugada a estudar, ou que passo a maioria do meu tempo a estudar... Não! Eu também faço isto por vocês. Para que no final reconheçam que não me criaram para nada... Quero que vejam valor no que faço.
Mas isso é impossível! Porque mesmo sendo a melhor da turma, nunca estou à altura. Nunca sou a melhor para vocês.
Quando parece que consegui... Estou completamente enganada. Há sempre alguém que consegue fazer algo melhor do que eu, ou então, que eu não consigo fazer.
Porque é que nunca me aceitam como sou? Porque é que há sempre alguém que preferiam que eu fosse?
Não vos consigo perceber... Quando estão a falar com outras pessoas e os filhos delas, quase que acredito quando dizem "Temos sorte por a termos" ou "Ela não nos dás esses problemas". Mas mais tarde, já sei que o filho de um dos vossos amigos fez qualquer coisa que eu não faço.
Como podem pedir tanto de mim, quando vocês nunca se esforçaram metade do que me esforço... Nem mesmo se juntassem o esforço dos dois.
E, na minha opinião que é tantas vezes censurada, esse é o vosso... Não, o meu. Esse é o meu problema: ser melhor do que vocês.
Por isso é que sempre deitam as minhas convicções abaixo, destroem os meus sonhos, fazem pouco dos meus gostos e fazem com que tudo pelo qual me esforcei pareça que não valha nada. Mas eu garanto-vos, não há nada que possam fazer que me leve a desistir do que já consegui alcançar até agora. Não vou abrir mão de tudo o que não vos importa, mas que me irá levar para um novo capítulo na minha vida. Aí vou mostrar-vos como sou melhor que vocês e já sabem "contra factos não há argumentos".
No entanto, ainda são meus pais. Por mais que vos queira odiar, não consigo. Só vos posso dizer como lamento que não consigam ter mais amor à vossa filha do que a vós próprios. Desculpem-me por ser o que não queriam que fosse e por não ser o que querem que seja.
Espero que algum dia me consigam desculpar...