RAZÃO DE SER

Lua Nova, 25 de Abril de 2009

Todos os dias acordo e sinto que não tenho algo por que viver... Uma razão para a minha existência!
Vivo cada dia tentando fazer o que acho que devo, mas dentro de mim não existe qualquer vontade de o fazer... Por detrás de cada sorriso, sinto uma dor enorme... Cada palavra, vem do vazio... É como se não fosse nada.
A única coisa que me faz acordar deste sono profundo é ajudar alguém... Parece que, afinal, sempre tenho um propósito para viver: pessoas que precisam de mim.
No entanto, será que sinto isso porque preciso do mesmo? Preciso de que alguém me salve... Alguém que se preocupe comigo. De que alguém que me conheça...
Mas haverá alguém capaz disso? Afinal, eu não sou uma pessoa que mostra o que realmente é, nem o que sente...
Ninguém me conhece verdadeiramente...
Não há nem nunca haverá alguém que o consiga fazer...
Então... Porque é que continuo à espera desse "alguém"?

FAREWELL - One Last Goodbye, Until We Meet Once Again

Charles entered in the library quietly and stood still, close to the door, watching her. She was on the ground staring to the corpses. Her eyes were lost in tears and painful memories. He could imagine what was passing through her mind: her last moments, her parents being killed right in front of her eyes and looking for her body under the other two. However she hadn't courage enough to do that because that would mean that she was dead... Alone in a world where she doesn't belong to.
While watching her, he remembered the conversation with his boss:
"... Half a century ago a well-off family lived there until they were assaulted by burglars which killed the whole family. Later, they were captured and confessed everything: they make the family hand their money and valuable things, and then they killed every member. The first one was Mr. Keaton, then his wife and the last one was their daughter, Allyson. She saw the slaughter and then was killed too. Unlike her parents she didn't scream nor did anything else. The only thing they heard was "Charles" but they were almost certain that she was already dead. And before leaving one of them swore he had seen a white shadow wandering across the hall...
That's why you have to send the ghost to other place... To the light if you want.”
- Charles? - Allyson called.
That voice woke him up from his thoughts.
- Do you mind to show me my... body? - she continued.
That last word was spelled like a whisper.
- Of course.
So he went to the place where they were. He moved her parents' corpses aside and uncovered hers, with her clothes tainted in dry blood.
- Thank you, Charles. That's it. It's the only thing I need to convince myself that I was really dead, now I can't find any excuses for this...
- I really need you to understand that this wasn't your fault... They died trying to protect you because they loved you... You don't belong here anymore. - Charles explained - You have to leave... To cross over.
- It wasn't guilt that kept me here...
Charles got confused.
- Was it revenge? Hatred? - He asked, trying to understand.
It was nothing like that. She stood up and stayed face to face with Charles.
- I'm so sorry for fighting so hard against what you asked of me... It is just that I spend so time trying to forget that horrible day that I created a whole new life. And now I want to ask you to help me to cross over... Please?
Her face was so calm and innocent, that the only thing he could do was step forward and held her in his arms.
- It's all going to be all right... Don't fear. I will help you, if that's what you really want...
She starts crying again. Not tears of sadness... but of joy. It's just like her dream. That was what kept her behind... Her only bond to this world was him: she stayed there waiting for him. Her love...
Then she held him too and looked right to him... That pale skin with dark hair and eyes and wearing black made him look just like a god of death... But to her he was the most beautiful angel she had ever seen.
After this a white light embrace them... He opened his eyes and saw Allyson shining and fading away: she was finally crossing over. Besides his mind being happy for that, his heart only told him his selfish desire: keep her with him.
- Thank you for everything, Charles. - she started. - You finally made me realise what I needed to cross over: you! You were always in my dreams and that made me stay here... waiting for you... Hoping for you to come here.
He couldn't say a word. So, Allyson continued.
- That's why I have to thank you. The feeling that made me still here was love... love for you.
Now, I know that... And I can feel that you have the same feelings for me... That's why I have to leave. But I'll be here waiting for you. Goodbye...
Charles watched her soul fading away while shedding a tear. After that, the light disappeared and everything became aged and, somewhat, ruined.
He wanted to say "I love you too, Allyson! I'm the one who should be thanking you for allow me to meet you...". However, the only thing he said was:
- Goodbye! I'm looking forward to our next meeting...
And so, he left the house while the rain, that had started, washed the blood of Allyson's corpse and clothes, leaving them as an untouched treasure... At least, that was what looked like to him.

FAREWELL - The Truth

Allyson was terrified. After all, her parents were at home. The only problem was that they were both...
"Dead. This is impossible... They can't be..."
She couldn't think another thing besides that picture engraved in her mind. She enters the room and finds them on the floor, covered in blood. That moment she remembers everything... Her nightmares were real! All that had happened.
"One night, some men forced the lock in the front door, then father try to stop them... but they were five, so he couldn't do it. I started climbing the stairs, and locked myself in my room, but that didn't stop them. They broke the door and entered... Two men grabbed me and take me downstairs again. They have destroyed everything in the house.
When we arrived to the library, they threatened my father « If you don't give me all the money that is in this house, I'll kill this young beautiful daughter of yours, right in front of you... And don't forget that the one to blame if she died would be you. »
So my father gather the money and all the things that were of value and gave that to them. Then they let go of me and put me together my parents... We couldn't stop crying and praying for our lives... But that didn't stop them. The aim their guns to each one of us... When they shot my father stood in front of me... and my mother did the exact same thing: they both tried to protect me, but I couldn't run... I couldn't move... I didn't even breathe... All I could do was watch the blood being shed... That moment I heard another shot which make me notice that I was also covered in blood. But it wasn't only my father's and mother's... It was also my blood.
Now I could see it clearly: my nightmares were showing me the night I had died!"
All these thoughts overflow her with pain, sadness and loneliness, in such way that she gave up and fell right to the ground without stop crying.

FAREWELL - Discovery

They both stayed still. She tried to dry her tears and waited for him to say something. However, he stood quiet as he thought what would be the best way to explain the situation to her.
- Allyson, - he started - I understand that you don't know what's happening... And my mission is to explain it to you but you have to cooperate with me.
- Cooperate?...
- Yes. You have to believe in me.
Allyson was already scared when the conversation started but she tried to pull herself together, and now...
- Sorry Mr. Anderson, but I have to ask you to leave my house.
That was her limit.
"I didn't want to go this far but I'll have to shock her... If what my boss told me is right, no one has ever got close to both her parents bodies."
- I'm sorry too, Allyson, but you'll have to listen to me: tell me where your parents are at the moment?
She didn't know. She thought that they had gone to the church but she wasn't sure. How could she know if she was alone in the mansion?
- Have you ever considered that they could still be inside your house?
Her thoughts were so confused with these strange questions.
"No, I haven't... I was almost sure that they had already left that I haven't thought about that option... But they couldn't be at home. If they were, they would have answered her earlier... But still..."
That moment her only reaction was leave the room, that immediately aged, and look for her parents around the house. So, she headed for the library, where they used to spend hours together... The family's favourite room.
Charles was left alone in the hall, thinking how she would react...
"From all of my experience, I never could predict the reaction of a..."
Suddenly all the house is filled with the sound of a dreadful and painful scream. There's no doubt about it... She found them.