LIKE A MOTH TO A FLAME

Lua Nova, 30 de Junho de 2011


His eyes followed Rose's every movement on her seat, two rows below his own. It had become like this for a while now, but he couldn't make up his mind about the "when"... Today, last week or last month? Dan wasn't sure: all he knew was that this has been up for at least one hour now. And he had exactly... «One hour and 24 minutes left until the class is over.»
If he had been like this on the other classes, then it was explained why all he remembered, mostly on Physics, was where Rose sat, how she had done her hair, whom she sat next to and - if it was the case, when he was the one who sat beside her - what she talked about and how she was able to still pay attention to what was being taught.
He knew her for five years now... Though he wasn't sure of what he felt about Rose, he was certain that she was more than a friend to him. Was it because of how she acted more spontaneous around him? Dan hadn't seen her laugh freely many times. He enjoyed the fact that he had been the one who made her laugh like that a few times.
Some of the guys didn't understand why he tried so hard to spend time with her. Most of the times she refused. He couldn't deny that... But whenever she refused he could see something in her eyes, something he couldn't decipher. He wanted to know what it was. Rose always showed a polite, responsible, smiley side of her and Dan knew that she had more beneath that... It wasn't her true side. At least not most of the time: she was polite and responsible and smiley. He didn't mean to say otherwise! What he meant was that she couldn't be like that all the time! That was abnormal, inhuman... Rose was human, therefore she had to have other feelings. Feelings that she deliberately chose not to show.
Truth was that she was appreciated by everyone: not liked, but not disliked neither. Her attitude towards her friends was more open than towards others and still she kept that smiley façade. «Is she like that to me, too?» This gave him something to think of but concluded that she wasn't.
«Is everything all right?» Kevin was looking straight at him. «Yeah, why shouldn't it be?» Then he crossed his arms over his chest, slouched down on the chair and furrowed his brows while pouting. After that he started glaring to the teacher. «Ah, nothing.» Was his only reply. Was he mad at Dan?... But his voice sounded like he was joking... Not angry. Dan spent a while figuring out what was wrong in this picture and then he got it. «The joke is on me.» Kevin was mimicking his pose perfectly. Dan had been so caught up in his thoughts that didn't notice that he was letting his emotions show through his posture. «Ah ah ah. Dead funny Kevin.» Said person sat up straight immediately grinning. «So you finally got it... You had some people glancing at your behavior and laugh, others just glanced and started with the gossips. On my behalf... I was counting how many different faces you made since class started. Glaring was the eighth.» Dan nudged him in the ribs in order to make him stop. «It's nothing to worry about. I was just thinking.» He said with a bit of annoyance.
Kevin was pretty bored and his attention was no longer in hydrodynamics. «What's or who's so important that got you so... Let's just say: distracted?» Dan glared at him. Kevin surely knew what he was thinking about: now and then he would drop hints like this whenever he was with Rose - who used to ignore or not listen at all; at least, pretended to do it - or something along the lines. He was one of the smartest guys Dan had ever known... In fact, he didn't know who was smarter: Kevin or Rose. He decided to play like Rose: ignore Kevin. She made this work perfectly and if he continued to talk she usually came with some witty and funny remark enough to make him laugh and drop or change the subject. «Damn! She had to be the smartest out of the two.»
Kevin's voice sounded again full of fake concern. «Did you listen? I'm waiting for an answer.»
«Ignore him.»
«You're being really mean and rude to your best friend...»
«Oh, look! A new formula... I think I've seen it before.»
«Won't you answer me, -»
«I get it. I had already wrote it down.»
«- Daniel?»
Dan snapped his head in Kevin's direction. If his eyes shot laser, Kevin would be so dead right now. Now he had showed Dan that he knew about Rose. She was the only who called Dan by his full name.
Kevin was the first one to spoke up again. «I knew it had to do with her. I don't get it! I really don't. Why are you so... So... So obsessed with Rose! She doesn't deserve half of it.»
«What? Why?» Dan looked surprise. He didn't know that Kevin was so against whatever he felt - though it wasn't obsession - for the girl. «I just like her.»
«No. You don't "just like her"! You're always talking about her, always searching for her, always inviting her to go out, always looking at her! That has to be obsession." Kevin was getting a little out of hand at the moment.
Dan stood in place wondering about everything his friend had just said. He kept quiet in order to make Kevin calm down. «If it really is like this, I'm surprised she didn't notice... Why hasn't anyone else noticed? The way Kevin talks it's almost like I'm always being drawed to her. Just like a moth to a flame.»
Kevin calmed down and talked again. «Furthermore, she doesn't care at all about you.»
«She does! I know her better than you.» Was Dan's too much heated reply, which resulted in a few faces glancing in his direction - including the teacher.
The two boys sit up straight and started whispering. «I don't doubt that. But the way I see it, you're the one who cares the most! You have lots of girls chasing after you, many are prettier than Rose.» Kevin was determined to know. «Why don't you fancy one of them? Why don't you even give them a chance?»
Dan was fuming. «Why are you so against Rose? She may not be just as pretty, but it's more than that!»
«Than what is it? Because I can't see it and, certainly, no one else can. Besides, I'm not against her, I'm her friend... I just want to understand you.» Kevin took a small pause, as if wondering what or how to say something. «I'm one of the few who noticed about you and her - even though you're so obvious, people think that you're just airheaded - and from what I see, you're always approaching her and getting to know her. I think that she likes you more than she likes the rest of us, but I don't know if it's more friendship trust, because you know each other longer, or if she's that shy about loving you.»
This bewildered Dan. Kevin had understood the whole scene so perfectly in this half of hour, when a while ago he was just wondering why he was more interested in Rose than in class.
As his friend didn't reply, Kevin continued. «I won't bother you more. I just want you to think about this: you are trying to "build" a new relationship between the two; is she trying too?» He turned his head to his notes. «I might be wrong, but you're too naïve. You trust too easily and expect the same in return. I don't want you to get disappointed because if that happened, you wouldn't be able to face Rose again and both of you are my best friends in this college.» And finished with a small laugh. «As a matter of fact, I prefer you to date Rose, than any of your fangirls!»
As Kevin became silent and turned all of his attention to the class Dan turned back his attention to the girl that had gotten him so confuse. «What if Kevin was right and she didn't return his feelings as he wished every day and night? He really was too naïve. But he also knew that she felt more about him than just friends. He knew, right?»
The class was almost over and many students had already quit pretending paying attention and left. In Dan's mind time and space didn't exist right now. Only one thing mattered. «If I am drawed to Rose like a moth to a flame, will I get burnt if I get too close to her?»
It was a bet he had to take at his own risk.