TOO LATE - 1/2

Lua Nova, 8 de Setembro de 2010

"Life sucks...

I never knew much more than my hometown... Same house, same friends, same old routine. I wanted to get out of here, no matter where... I just wanted to leave!
I mean... It's not that I didn't aprecciate what I had: it was enough. More than enough: it was a great life.

However, it was different than what I expected it to be as years went by. I expected that my friends were like me. We used to dream about became famous and leave our mark in world History... It didn't matter what was the dream: we were going to be the bests ever!
Then we grew up.

We started to disband: some left to foreign countries and others found something more important than their old friends. The major group still hangs out from time to time, but even so, the dreaded truth is that we grew apart. I used to belong to the third criteria and I watched as things reached this point.
We'd go out and talk about school, future and... Past. That's when things get pretty out of hand on my side. They'd talk about those "stupid dreams" and laugh at them. I hated it! At first I'd bash out without saying anything (sometimes even pushing some of them along the process), then I learned that they didn't understand they were wrong and every time the conversations were headed that way I'd just change the topic or make up some lame excuse to leave.
They didn't understand that our dreams weren't stupid! That were those dreams that got us keep moving on with the hope to achieve them... It took me some time to realise that I was the only one who kept those dreams burning alive deep inside my soul... That my friends had given up on them. They had a good life now... Why change it? They were content.

Well... I wasn't.

But if God does exist, He sure spends His precious time making us suffer.
And surely enjoys it.

REMEMBRENCE

Lua Nova, 8 de Agosto de 2010

A boy stands by a window, just like he did years ago. The look on his face shows something that, usually, one isn't allowed to show: emotions. So many memories I'd rather not have.
Besides, we're talking about "Him". The first and last boy (until now) who killed a Redeemer, one of the few who escaped this Sanctuary - though he was the first who did it sucessfully - with two more acolytes and returned alone after months, was allowed to stay alive and live there as nothing ever happened. The one and only Thomas Cale. In the Sanctuary, everyone knows that he never shows anything so frivole as emotions... As a matter of fact, he is known for not having feelings towards anyone. That's almost true... I do not show my feelings often. Sometimes I think I've burried them for good, but then I see something that makes me remember her and then I have a mixture of weird feelings that I can easily hide as I've come to learn all these years.
Now he was 21 years old. Since he returned, he was given a room with a door (the key that he proudly carried around his waist, had given him a superior status, when compared to the other children). After all, pride is my worst sin.
Among the acolytes, he was feared as ever... However, now the Redeemers couldn't touch a single strand of his hair: they were aware of the danger that represented for them. They would be either killed by him or by the Lord of the Lords - his "protector".
He had been outside the Sanctuary many more times, all for the sake of a successful plan. My plan.
First, small villages that weren't even on maps. Then the outskirts. Most of the small countries have already disappeared. The Sanctuary had trained some boys that were already infiltrated in the security of the "big" countries. It was too easy. Everything and everyone would be annihilated.
But one there was only one thing: the last familly to be killed would be hers. The Materazzi family.
The family where she belonged, his former lover. He would never forget her and all they live through... Therefore I will never forgive her!
When Arbell betrayed him, his world fell apart. He fought for her, he'd die for her... All for her love. And he thought that she'd love him too. I was so wrong, so blind that I missed the big picture: she would never love a monster like me.
She gave up of everything he had given her for saving her family. He meant nothing for her. That's why he left her with a similar poem written by her great-grandfather that she held dear in her heart. The only difference was that it was a threat and she would remember every sentence of it until the last breath of her short life... I'll make sure to say it out loud, while I kill her taking my sweet time enjoying the sight of her beautiful eyes wide in fear, her pale body shaking and her mouth screaming silently because she's mortified of me.

I am bound to you with cables that not even God can break.

One day, if there is a soft breeze on your cheek, it may be my breath;

One night, if the cool wind plays with your hair, it may be my shadow passing by.

That night she'll see... Now I am a monster.




P.S.: Eu não tenho quaiquer direitos sobre The Left Hand of God.
As personagens, o seu passado e o poema (c) Paul Hoffman
Fiz este texto apenas porque me apeteceu fazer um pequena fanfic deste livro, pelo qual fiquei viciada...

NEVERMIND

Lua Nova, 10 de Agosto de 2010


It's a Thursday morning. People run from one side to another... It's fun to watch them.
Don't get me wrong, it's obvious that you have already seen this. What I mean is that is fun to really watch them. Watch how different people are in the street at this hour: different cultures, different sizes, different personalities, different tasks. Have you ever stopped to think about this? Or are you one of them, always running around just worrying with you? Most of the times I'm there too... Too worried with my life.
However, I have my moments. When I realize that I'm becoming too obsessed with the future and not living the present I stop.
I just stop. Today is one of those days... I should be like that couple running to get in time to class, but not today. I decide to ditch classes: it's not like I have a test or something, it's a regular History class that I can catch up tomorrow, so it doesn't matter. Of course I'm in college and I should be more responsible...
I agree with it. On the other hand, now it's the time to make mistakes, try new things... Or else I can get a bitter old lady whose only company is a cat, because I didn't dare to live and I wouldn't do it then.
I have nothing against old ladies who have cats... I just prefer dogs. If I had cats I'd definitely be bitter... But I'm off the topic.
I'm at the park and my company is a stray dog (I gave him half of my lunch once I got here and he didn't let go of me since then, not that I care). Besides us, the other people at the park are two physical maniacs who keep running, stretching and running again around the park (that's one thing I don't get - why some people like running). The reason for that is the rain. Exactly, the rain.
It's raining for a while and I'm here spending this morning sat under a tree with my new buddy. I love the rain... That was the turning point of this morning. I was walking down the street, all the way down to the University, thinking about the work I had to do, in order to deliver it in two weeks. That's when I start feeling some drops falling on my face and everything on my mind went blank, except for the fact that I wanted to stay there, free from everything.
I went to the park always under the rain... It was good until it got heavier that's when I found the dog and decide to find shelter under the tree where he was.
I could decide to "stop" other day, but I wanted to do it today... And I don't regret it: I think I just found a dog to take home! Who knows what can happen later? For now I think I got to go with Bryan (my new dog) to a shop and buy him a collar and a leash. And probably some food.
For both of us.

ESCOLHAS

Lua Nova, 11 de Julho de 2010


A palavra "escolher" vem do latim "excolligere", que significa recolher ou obter. Se pensarmos bem, sempre que temos de fazer uma escolha recolhemos o máximo de informação possível para termos a certeza de que não nos arrependemos das escolhas que fazemos.
Todos os dias temos de fazer escolhas... Parecem algo inevitável. Claro que todas as escolhas são diferentes! Não apenas porque diferem no assunto, mas também porque as consequências que acarretam são diferentes: escolher uma camisola é diferente de escolher uma casa (como é óbvio)...
Somos humanos, porque raciocinamos. A razão diferencia-nos do resto dos animais. Somos livres de pensar e escolher. Isto é o que a lógica nos diz. Na verdade não somos assim tão livres...
Voltando a um dos exemplos anteriores: a escolha da camisola. Vamos a uma loja e queremos comprar uma camisola. Escolhemos as nossas preferidas, experimentamos e compramos a que gostámos mais. Aparentemente, uma escolha da nossa livre vontade. No entanto, apenas escolhemos essa camisola, porque a cor da mesma é a cor que está na moda, porque o seu corte nos assenta melhor do que as outras, porque ainda nenhuma das pessoas que conheço tem, porque já foi escolhida por estilista de um monte de outras camisolas que poderíamos ter sido nós a escolher... Vendo bem, a nossa escolha está muito condicionada!
Mesmo assim, somos nós que temos a liberdade de escolher ou não.
Mas, não são estas as escolhas que nos preocupam muito. As que nos poderão preocupar são as que afectam o resto da nossa vida.
Quando nos deparamos com este tipo de escolha é que sentimos o peso do mundo sobre os nossos ombros.
Temos um vasto leque de hipóteses à nossa frente. Isso só dificulta a escolha! Não temos capacidade de decidir qual é a correcta... Não sabemos como vai ser o futuro. Não sabemos se vamos mudar. Não sabemos se os outros vão mudar.
Neste estado de abulia é tudo tão desconcertante. Podemos pedir ajuda? Claro que sim! Podemos sempre ouvir as opiniões de outras pessoas que podem estar ou não ligadas ao assunto.
É sempre bom saber a opinião dos outros (embora se corra o risco de ser condicionados por elas)... Recolhemos mais informação e temos maior probabilidade de fazer a escolha correcta. O único problema é: quanto mais próximas as pessoas são de nós (i.e.: família; amigos), mais nos importamos com a sua opinião, logo queremos que a nossa escolha também tenha a aprovação deles, como se fosse a sua "escolha". Pedimos uma opinião a alguém próximo e esse alguém assume a nossa posição e escolhe o que mais lhe agrada. Se pedirmos a alguém diferente faz o mesmo: «Se fosse eu...». Aí é que encontramos a raíz do problema... Os outros escolhem o que mais lhes agrada e esquecem-se que lhe pedimos a opinião para nós e para o que mais nos agrada.
Mas o melhor de toda a situação é o final da frase «Se fosse eu...». Esta acaba quase sempre de maneira semelhante a «... mas tu é que sabes!», «... mas a decisão é tua.» ou «... mas isto sou eu.». Resumindo e concluindo, ficamos na mesma quanto ao que queremos, acrescendo o peso de talvez dever escolher o que alguém quer... Mas, como é óbvio, nunca nos querem influenciar. Se acham que há sarcasmo nesta última frase, têm razão: quando perguntamos a opinião de alguém, a maioria das pessoas querem influenciar-nos para seguir a sua escolha, podendo até ficar ressentidos com a nossa escolha se for diferente da deles.
Outra coisa divertida nas escolhas (repara que, mais uma vez, o sarcasmo está presente nesta frase) é o tipo de situações em que sabemos precisamente o que queremos e os outros acham que sabem melhor do que nós o que queremos, ou então quando primeiramente escolhemos uma coisa que todos aprovaram e à medida que o tempo passa mudarmos a nossa opinião sobre essa escolha e fazer outra diferente que já nem todos aprovam, porque acham que devíamos continuar a manter a nossa primeira escolha.
Eu faço as minhas escolhas e não digo a ninguém. Deste modo, ninguém me julga e sei que a escolha foi minha e não apenas a influência de outra pessoa. Sei que há a possibilidade de não ser a melhor escolha... Também tenho dúvidas e não quero perder tempo em algo que não vai dar certo ou que não é o que realmente quero. Por mais tempo que ainda possa ter, não o quero desperdiçar... Mas, se tenho dúvidas, significa que pode não ser o que eu realmente quero.
O que interessa é que temos de fazer as nossas escolhas de acordo com o que nós queremos.
É a nossa vida em jogo, quer seja a escolha certa ou errada.
Temos de aprender com elas.
Isto é que significa ser humano.
Isto é que significa ser livre.

(ESQUECIDO)

Lua Nova, 12 de Junho de 2010

Hoje vou chegar atrasado... Eu tentei, a sério que tentei. Mas viver junto à praia durante o Verão, significa filas de carros todos os dias.
"Bom dia, Rui. Hoje, estás atrasado." A recepcionista cumprimentou-me.
"Olá! Eu sei... Tentei vir o mais rápido que pude, mas -"
"Não te preocupes, ainda tens muito tempo. Ela hoje não está de muito bom humor e demorámos muito mais tempo a fazer com que tomasse banho."
"Desculpem."
"Não precisas de pedir desculpa, nós sabemos que ela não tem culpa. E tu também não, por isso vai e aproveita a última hora que te resta."
"Ok." Apressei-me para o quarto onde ela estava.
Nº 135, 137, 139 e cá está: 141. Bati a porta.
Não houve resposta. Esperei e bati de novo...
"Sim?" Respondeu uma voz muito irritada.
Abri a porta e tentei a minha sorte. "Desculpe incomodá-la Sra. Helena, mas posso entrar?"
"Depende do que vem fazer." Disse a mulher que estava sentada na cama, a olhar fixamente para a janela.
"Venho conversar... Se não quiser eu posso-me ir embora." Acrescentei com um tom de tristeza.
"Só conversar?" Virou-se para mim.
"Só conversar." Assegurei-lhe com um sorriso.
"Acho que não faz mal... É bom para variar de todas os outros que aqui estiveram hoje. Onde é que já se viu! A forçarem-me a comer, a tomar comprimidos e até me tentaram despir!" Ela disse muito revoltada.
Tentei acalmá-la. "De certeza que só queriam ajudá-la..."
"Eu não preciso da ajuda deles!" Gritou. "O que preciso é de ir para casa. Ir para a minha família..." Voltou-se de novo para a janela. "Mas, afinal quem és tu?"
Sentei-me no sofá perto da cama. "Ricardo."
"Ricardo, hum?" Desviou a sua atenção para mim e analisou-me de alto a baixo. Mantive alguma esperança que me reconhecesse. "Podes tratar-me por Lena."
Já devia esperar que não o fizesse. "Ok!" Sorri-lhe. "Estava-me a dizer que tinha de ir para casa, porquê?"
"Porque o meu filho está sozinho em casa... Sozinho, não. As enfermeiras dizem que telefonaram à minha irmã para ficar com ele enquanto estou de observação." Endireitou-se. "Pelos vistos desmaiei no centro comercial e fui trazida para aqui."
"Sério? Mas é alguma coisa séria?"
"Parece que não, mas querem fazer uma data de exames e preferem que eu fique por cá." Suspirou enquanto olhava para mim. "E você, Ricardo? O que está aqui a fazer?"
"Bem, eu..." O que é que tenho desta vez? "Tenho de fazer uns raios-X. Acho que torci o pé a jogar basquetebol. Enquanto esperava reslvi ver se haveria alguém com quem pudesse conversar."
"Joga basquetebol?" Assenti com a cabeça. "Sabe... Esse é o desporto preferido do meu filho! Ele tem 7 anos e eu queria inscrevê-lo num clube qualquer, onde ele pudesse jogar à vontade... Mas, não sei de nenhum que seja compatível com o meu horário. Nestas alturas é que dava jeito que o pai dele ainda estivesse vivo..."
Acho que se a conversa continuar eu começo a chorar. "Eu posso procurar alguns... Amanhã quando voltar passo por aqui e dou-lhe a lista."
Os olhos dela brilharam com alegria. "A sério? Faria isso por mim?"
"Claro!" Por ti faria qualquer coisa... "No entanto, agora tenho de me ir embora."
"Oh! Muito obrigada... Quando o Rui crescer, espero que seja um jovem como o Ricardo."
Corei. "Com uma mãe como a Lena, de certeza que será. Adeus."
"Adeus, até amanhã."
Levantei-me e saí do quarto. Mais um dia em que não se lembrava de mim.
Das primeiras vezes, saía de repente do quarto lavado em lágrimas... Muitas vezes ainda é isso que me apetece fazer. Principalmente quando perguntava «Quem és?».
Passei pela recepcionista e relatei-lhe a visita e ela anotava no processo.
Depois, agradeceu-me e despediu-se. "Adeus! Não te preocupes... Se ela se lembrar de alguma coisa, da visita de hoje, de outro dia, ou da realidade, telefono-te o mais rápido possível."
Agradeci-lhe e fui-me embora do lar.
Sinceramente, nunca pensei que tivesse de passar por isto. Pensava que este tipo de coisas só aparecia em filmes, livros ou então só acontecia aos outros...
Isto prova que estava enganado. Agora já aceitei isto. Já sei que não é um pesadelo... A dor que sinto após cada visita semanal relembra-me de que estou acordado.
Não há nada que magoe mais um filho do que não ser reconhecido pela própria mãe.
No entanto, é isto que acontece quando alguém tem Alzheimer... Pessoas magoadas, quando os entes mais queridos se esquecem de todos os laços que formaram durante a vida.

I LOVE YOU - alternative chapter 10

Aviso: Para as pessoas que leram o outro capítulo e gostaram: não leiam este. Este capítulo apresenta um final alternativo para a história. Eu avisei-vos...


I don't think I can say it out loud! But I agreed to do it, so here goes... "I love... a guy." ... nothing. He looked a bit dumbfounded. "Errr... All right?"
"He's in our school." Why am I so embarassed? He already said he loved me, what am I afraid of? "He hasn't blond hair nor blue eyes." Maybe because I can't believe him.
"Hey, Kim..." I looked at him. "Calm down and breathe... You look like you're about to have a heart attack."
I did as he told me. It seemed to work, so I continued... "Actually, he's somewhat of an idiot." He smothered a chuckle. Only if he knew it was him... I smiled. This was becoming really entertaing! Time for some jealousy. "Even so, he's very smart. He's one of the best students in his class." He twitched an eyebrow. "And he isn't only brains, he has the looks too."
"Well, why don't you skip all the compliments to your Prince Charming and give me a name..." He said infuriated. "Maybe I can take care of his «looks»!"
"Stop it!" I was trying so hard not to laugh. "If you keep saying that I won't tell you anything!"
He shut up.
"Thank you... I'll continue, but it will be the way I want to. Where was I? Oh! I know. He's so beautiful... What I love more about him is his eyes. Its colour is so unusual but still so magnetic! He looks at you in such an intense way that it seems that looks right through you..."
He was so flushed and hurt that he looked miserable but still he didn't say a word. I was going to end this.
"Even being like this, he's not arrogant. He's the kindest and cutest person I know... Maybe that's why he's so popular." I gathered all my courage to say it. I wasn't afraid anymore: he was my friend, respected me and, above of all, he loved me.
"He doesn't need blond hair... His light brown hair is enough." I looked directly to him.
"He doesn't care about blue eyes... His gold ones stand out more." I stood up in put myself in front of him.
"He may be a jerk sometimes... But he's my best friend." I smiled at his surprise.
"He is the one I love." I ended closing the small space between us with a soft kiss.
I can't believe myself. I did it!
"I love you."
Jeff stared at me... He was so quiet that I thought he was going to end up in a coma again but he finally spoke. "You love me?" Then he flashed the biggest grin I've ever seen. "I was so worried that you'd say you loved any other guy... I thought I wouldn't bear with it! Seriously, I was about to storm out of the hospital and look everywhere for the guy just to punch him to death..." He then hugged me (the best he could, because of his broken arm). "Thanks. For everything..." He said this last words not louder than a whisper. I closed my eyes enjoying his warm embrace and we stood there for what seemed like hours.
Then I heard an annoying sound.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--
What was this?
--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--
I opened my eyes and saw the worst cenario ever. Jeff was lying in a bed in front of me and that sound was warning me that his heart had stopped.
--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--
"DAD!!" I screamed as loud as I could. "NURSE! Someone please HELP ME!"
I couldn't believe it! I was having a dream... All of it. Jeff never woke up.
--eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--
He never knew how I felt about him. I let the tears flow freely from my eyes as my father and other doctors entered the room. There was so much noise. I didn't know how, but I already knew he wasn't going to make it. I just knew it...
They stopped everything and said the only thing I didn't want to hear. "Jeffrey Anderson: time of death 4:27 a.m.."
--eeeeeeeeeeeee-p
The nurse turned the machine off.
My whole body was shaking. A while ago I was with him... Nothing seemed to have changed.
I looked at my father. He was saying something... I couldn't hear him, or I didn't want to... I don't know.
I left the room and run outside. I went against some people along the way because my vision was all blurry. I mumbled some kind of «Sorry.» and continued not even caring if the person was okay... I wasn't.

I got outside and stared at the road. There were already lots of vehicles speeding, not realizing that many of them can cause accidents... They just care about their own lives. Jeff wasn't like that. I started to move in their direction.
Someone grabbed my arm and pulled me back. It was my father.
"Kim! Please don't do that. Don't do anything stupid!" He was crying. I stayed there motionless, just staring. "I know how much it hurts..." He said, now looking at me. "To lose someone we love." It was as painful as stabbing my heart with knives, so I cried. I couldn't stop.
My father cried too. "I know how you feel, sweetheart. I already lost your mother and I don't want to lose you." My crying intensified. "That's why I want you to promise me that you won't do anything reckless... Anything that will make me repent for letting go of you."
"I promise." I said between loud sobs.
And I stood there with the last important person in my life until we both stop crying. Whether it was for old painful memories, brand new heartbreaking memories or future wrecking memories, I didn't know. Neither of us knew.
I only knew I had to survive through my only lover's death and I had a new promise to fulfil.
I promised that I wouldn't kill myself...
I don't care much because I will die.
However, I don't have to live.
I never promised that.

The (alternative) End

I LOVE YOU - chapter 10

I don't think I can say it out loud! But I agreed to do it, so here goes... "I love... a guy." ... nothing.
He looked a bit dumbfounded. "Errr... All right?"
"He's in our school." Why am I so embarassed? He already said he loved me, what am I afraid of? "He hasn't blond hair nor blue eyes." Maybe because I can't believe him.
"Hey, Kim..." I looked at him. "Calm down and breathe... You look like you're about to have a heart attack."
I did as he told me. It seemed to work, so I continued... "Actually, he's somewhat of an idiot." He smothered a chuckle. Only if he knew it was him... I smiled. This was becoming really entertaing!
Time for some jealousy. "Even so, he's very smart. He's one of the best students in his class." He twitched an eyebrow. "And he isn't only brains, he has the looks too."
"Well, why don't you skip all the compliments to your Prince Charming and give me a name..." He said infuriated. "Maybe I can take care of his «looks»!"
"Stop it!" I was trying so hard not to laugh. "If you keep saying that I won't tell you anything!"
He shut up.
"Thank you... I'll continue, but it will be the way I want to. Where was I? Oh! I know. He's so beautiful... What I love more about him is his eyes. Its colour is so unusual but still so magnetic! He looks at you in such an intense way that it seems that looks right through you..."
He was so flushed and hurt that he looked miserable but still he didn't say a word. I was going to end this.
"Even being like this, he's not arrogant. He's the kindest and cutest person I know... Maybe that's why he's so popular." I gathered all my courage to say it. I wasn't afraid anymore: he was my friend, respected me and, above of all, he loved me.
"He doesn't need blond hair... His light brown hair is enough." I looked directly to him.
"He doesn't care about blue eyes... His gold ones stand out more." I stood up in put myself in front of him.
"He may be a jerk sometimes... But he's my best friend." I smiled at his surprise.
"He is the one I love." I ended closing the small space between us with a soft kiss.
I can't believe myself. I did it!
"I love you."
Jeff stared at me... He was so quiet that I thought he was going to end up in a coma again but he finally spoke. "You love me?" Then he flashed the biggest grin I've ever seen. "I was so worried that you'd say you loved any other guy... I thought I wouldn't bear with it! Seriously, I was about to storm out of the hospital and look everywhere for the guy just to punch him to death..." He then hugged me (the best he could, because of his broken arm). "Thanks." He looked so peaceful. "I love you so much! Thank you for everything..."
"Anytime." And so, we stood there holding each other and secretly vowing to love each other for the rest of our days on Earth.
I knew he'd never let me down. His golden eyes told me that.
He knew I knew that. His love for me showed that.

The End

EXPLANATION - chapter 9

What the fuck?
My left cheek sting as hell!
"You... You slapped me!" I shouted at her.
She was clearly embarassed: her face was completely red that I'd joke about it in other situation. "You could have said «No!» or something like that!" I kept screaming. "I didn't know you hated me that much!"
"Excuse me? You're the one who ignored me a whole week and when I asked you why you just glared and turned away!" She retorted.
"And slapping me solves anything?"
"Yes! I mean... No! But it helps..."
"What?" I can't believe it! What about anger management classes?
"Now you can start and explain why is that you've been running away from me." She stated while sitting down on my bed. "I demand an explanation."
She demands? "All right. I've been thinking." About you, truth to be told.
"Wow." She said emotionless. "That's a first."
"What? You wanted an explanation!"
"So, you started thinking and came to the conclusion that you don't want to hang out with me?"
"Hum? No, I never said that!" Is she insane? Where did she came up with that theory?
"Then «I've been thinking.» isn't an explanation for avoiding me."
"Errr... Just stop acting like that! I wasn't avoiding you! The thing is: the guys said some stuff and I needed some time to think about it." I explained. "On my own."
"Why didn't you tell me that? It would have been easier."
How was I going to get out of this? Now you could be very helpful. "It crossed my mind... But then you'd get in Sherlock Holmes' mode and try to find out what was the things they told me." I used as an excuse. A good one. "Now it's my turn of demanding explanations." She sat up straight and I continued. "Why did you slap me? If your excuse was true then you'd have done it earlier... Now spit it!"
She took a deep breath. "Well... You are my best friend and I don't want to ruin this friendship?..."
"I don't buy it."
"It was because of the shock?"
"Nope." She could at least put a bit more effort on it. "Let's put it other way... Why did you kissed back instead of pushing away?"
She didn't answer and look other way.
"So?"
She flushed even more.
"You're in love with other guy, right?" Her head snapped in my direction. "It's the only explanation..."
"What?" She whispered. "That's not it..."
"Then what is it?" I was boiling in rage. "I bet you like that Ben from the other class... Who wouldn't fall for a boy with blond hair and blue eyes who has the guts to proclaim is love in front of everyone? That's so typical that I'd never expected it from you..."
She was trembling with anger. "That is not true. You know that I hated the fact that he shouted out loud from the top of the stairs how much he loved me and wanted to be my lover... Besides he's not the one that I love."
See? I knew it! "So there's love after all!" I didn't try to hide the scowl on my face.
"..."
"Who is he?" She turned away. "Tell me."
"Why do you care anyway?" She asked. "You're one of the most popular guys on the school and you have a very large group of girls who gladly would date you... And that includes all the other girls in our class. So, why me?"
"In case you missed the kiss a while ago I love you!" I bet that now I was even more flushed than she was. "You and not any other girl on the whole school."
"Why?"
"Because you're not a typical girl..." I was smiling a bit now. "You understand me, solve all the «problems» I get into, don't crawl all over me expecting popularity and a lot of other things." I added.
She looked like she was about to cry but it was somewhat different... More like she was too happy. "True." She chuckled.
"The true reason why I was keeping some distance between us was because the boys were saying jokes about us acting like a old married couple, though we weren't one, and when I explained that they got all surprised because we looked like boyfriend and girlfriend because we're together all the time and so close... And about how protective I am of you." I told her. "So I started thinking about it and came to the conclusion that I cared about you... A lot. So I avoided you to think more clearly. When you came and confronted me about it I didn't meant to glare, I was just angry at myself about not noticing earlier how much I loved you and I totally forgot that you were there waiting for an explanation." I finished. I looked at her and notice how glad she was. "The least you could do is telling me who do you love... I'm still your friend."
"Fine."

KISS - chapter 8

I got up and paid for my breakfast. What would I do now? Go home or wait?
I picked up my phone and wondered whether to call my father or not. As if it was magic it rang.
"Hi, dad!"
"Hi. Where are you?" My father retorted.
"I'm still in the hospital. Somewhere in the 4th floor."
"Oh. All right. Do you plan on going home or will you stick around with Jeff?"
Well, not exactly with Jeff. "Err... I'll be around here and then go home with you." Good, this way I won't be lying.
My father said «goodbye» and hung up... Now the only question left: what will I do?

Going back to Jeff's room doesn't sound like a good idea. Even though I know that he probably doesn't want me around, I guess I wouldn't bear to hear that from his mouth.
I could always go and take a walk in the garden... Yeah, that's a good idea!

"Aaarrghh!! Leave me alone!" Someone was shouting in the lobby. I rushed there to see what was happening.
"I'm sorry, but you have to come with me." It was another person. His voice didn't seem very happy.
"But I didn't do anything wrong!!" A boy said in his defence. "And I'm telling the truth! My arm IS broken!"
"I don't care! Who the hell said that you could enter the supplies room?" So the other man should be a policeman or something like that...
"I already apologized... I was only looking for someone and... Ooouch!!!" That sounds painful. "Excuse me! Could you at least hold me by the other arm?!"

When I got there, well, you can picture the scene: the policeman dragging the boy outside the hospital. And now... Surprise, surprise: the boy is Jeff. I should have guessed... I leave him alone and he screws everything up. Maybe I should just let the man take him... And again, if I did that there was the possibility that my father would be accused of negligence or so for letting a stupid patient, also known as Jeff, alone.
I was going to rescue him. "Excuse me, officer."
Two (very surprised) heads turn to face me. Jeff was the first one to talk. "Kim! Thank god you're here. I wa-"
"Quiet!" The man ordered Jeff and then talked to me. "Yes?"
"I'm very sorry for Jeff... My name is Kim and I know him: he's my father's patient. He suffered a car accident and hit his head, so he must be a bit confused and left the room, probably looking for me." I explained to the very angry man in front of me. After staring at me for a while his face softened... My apologetic and innocent look is amazing.
"Very well. Please make sure you don't leave him alone this time." The policeman let Jeff go, who immediately run to my side. "I don't want to be disturbed again because of him."
"I'm sorry." I apologized again and elbowed Jeff.
"What the hell, Kim?" He muttered and after glaring at him he talked to the officer. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble." And with that we left.

We got to the elevator. Neither I nor he had said a word. When we got in no one was there, so I decided to burst. "Have you lost your mind?"
He looks at me. "What?"
"I left you alone while I went to eat breakfast and you were already being expelled from the hospital! For God's sake! You only woke up this morning and it's only 1:30 p.m.!" I was screaming really loud by the time we got to his bedroom. "Can't you live without me to cover for you?"
He was staring at me like I had asked the most stupid question in the whole world.
"No." He simply stated.
...
Was he testing my patience?
He continued, smirking. "After all, it's your part of the deal."
"But I won't be always around..." I explained. "There will come the time when we'll break apart."
"I don't want to." He said, looking serious.
When I was about to reply he came forward and kissed me. At first, I didn't know what was happening (I mean, this couldn't be truth... It was too good) but after a while I gave in.
When we broke for air, I woke up from this mindfuck and did the only logical thing to do in this situation...

REMINISCENCE - chapter 7

"But, as you're okay, maybe I should get going."
Where did you go, Kim?

"I don't want to force you to speak to me."
I don't understand you. What did you mean by that?

"-, Jeff." Someone called me.
"Errr... Come again?"
"We're so glad that you're awake but we have to go home and warn your sister." My mother said.
"You have your clothes here." My father started. "If you need anything else call us. Bye."
"OK, no problem. See ya!"

I'm alone again... I'd like to be here with Kim.
Well, she was really angry at me (for no apparent reason) so I shouldn't count on seeing her anytime soon.
However, there was something else in her eyes when she stormed out... She was hurt. I've already seen her like that.

Thank goodness I stole the janitor's keys.
Wait. That's not good! I got myself in more trouble... Well, I could always hide in this music room for eternity. At least until lunch break...
Oh crap! Someone's coming in! That awful man found me! Maybe he doesn't see me in the darkness.
Err... That's not the ape-face-janitor. It's a girl... If I keep this up I'm gonna have a heart attack. Fortunately she'll turn away and leave.
I still have to be born 1000 times until luck is on my side... Now she's hiding next to the drums... And sobbing.
"Buahhhh!"
And crying. Awww, man.
As it seems we're both hiding, we could talk. "Are you okay?" Ok, I know this is stupid... If she's crying she's not fine. "Errr... I mean... Hi! Who are you? I've never seen you around."
She's shocked to say the least. On the other hand she stopped crying.
"Hello." This was her answer. "My name's Kim. I've just moved here, today is my first day at this school."
"I see. Why were you crying?" I asked. "I mean, school isn't that bad."
She kept silent. I decided to shut up.
The bell rang warning it was lunch time. We didn't move an inch. There was a lot of noise, mainly students running. I took advantage of the loud sound to move around and sit next to her. Next ot her I could admire her features. "Wow, you've got red hair!"
She shifted uncomfortably and seemed even more hurt. Damn.
"It's because of that." She said bluntly.
"What?"
"Because of my hair." She answered. "In my class they started to mock me because of its colour."
I stared at her. "Why?"
"They're always comparing it with blood. The girls are always saying that I probably got a shower of pig's blood just like Carrie and then it dried on my head..." She was crying again. "I never wanted to come here in first place." She started raising her voice. "It's all because of my father! He insisted that we had to move or else we wouldn't be able keep living."
"Why?"
"Because of my mom's death."
I couldn't believe. She's lost her mother and her classmates made her suffer even more. It was so cruel.
"I'm sorry." I said while I hugged her in a attempt to stop her tears. "I didn't want you to recall more pain."
Her sobbing subsided. So I continued. "However, I'm sure that the girls in your class are just envious of you."
She chuckled. "Yeah sure." Sarcasm in her voice. "I can see why..."
"For real! I really like the colour of your hair... It looks like fire. It's such an unusual colour that no one can stop and not look at it. Besides it contrasts with the green of your eyes." This sounded really cheesy and corny but she was getting better. And it was true.
"Well, that still doesn't solve my initial problem."
"Hum... I think I can do something about that!" I said with a smirk.
She stared at me in disbelief.
"You just have to change class... If you want I can go with you in the afternoon and get the papers." I explained. "You can change into my class. We're all nice people to hang out. And I promise that if anyone picks on you, I'll stand up and protect you!" Oh yeah! This sure was a cool way to end it."You never have to be alone."
"Really?" She was smiling now. "Thanks!" I saw her eyes bright with happiness and that was... Woah! I don't know... Amazing? Kind of.
"In return..." I added. "Please, make up a good excuse that I can use for breaking the classroom's window and stealing the janitor's keys..."
She smiled. I knew that she was already thinking in one on her mind. "Don't worry. But first... Can we have something to eat, ..."
"Jeff." I forgot to present myself.
"- Jeff?" She finished her sentence.
"Of course! Let's get going." And we both took of.

"How am I supposed to fulfil my promise if you run away?" I wondered out loud.
I made up my mind. I'm going to sneak out of this bedroom. I only have a broken arm, I can go look for her. She should wait until her father finishes his shift.
After all, how hard can it be?