PHOTOGRAPH

Lua Nova, 27 de Setembro de 2011


Here I was hiding behind a tree, as childish as it can get.
When I got the news I couldn't believe it: it just wasn't possible... I refused any kind of human contact and locked myself at home. I refused to come here today, I told myself thousands of times and repeated it a few more, just in case. However it made no difference or what so ever. Before I even realized it, I was getting dressed and walking out of the apartment.
I checked my wallet, looking for a specific item, probably hid in there for God-knows-how-long! It was still there. I shoved the wallet in my pocket again as I started walking there. By this time, it had already started and if I was lucky, it was over before I reached the place.
But I wasn't lucky. If I was, this wouldn't have happened to me but to someone else. I know it's selfish but right now I can't find the will in me to care about it.
That's how I got to this point: hidden... Behind a tree. Seriously, how ridiculous am I?
Some people already noticed me. Her family, to be exact. Their faces flushed and wet from crying. I want to cry too, but that would draw attention to someone hiding behind a tree instead of join the rest of them and that's not something I want. It's her ceremony; it's her moment to be noticed. Though I know that she would never want to be in the spotlight if there was any other way... Even so people noticed her.
Her sister is completely heartbroken and as she looks in my direction her crying and sobbing intensifies and she looks away and hides her face. Her parents' stare is only focused in what is in front of them: they should be proud of their daughter. There are a lot of people around them: some I know, others I recognize and the rest are completely unfamiliar faces to me... But she knew them. I never imagined that she would have this many people who liked and cared about her.
In one of our conversations I remember she said that no one really knew her, but I was probably one of the few who knew her the best. I laughed that time, because I didn't understand how she could say that when there were people whom she talked more and knew her for more years than I did. Still she assured me that I knew her better than them. She laughed and said nothing more.
Today as I see these people talking I understand it. They try to talk about her but there are many gaps in her personality that they don't realize. But I do. I really knew her better than the great majority of the people here.
A few more minutes and they'll be gone. Sad or not they still have to go on. That's when I'll come out from my hiding place...
The crowd starts to vanish and pay their homage. I wait a bit longer, afraid of what I'm about to see. I approach the new tomb in here and read your name, the touching words engraved and the time line where you lived. I guess this makes it official: you're really gone! This makes my chest hurts like someone was crushing it. Lonely tears start rolling down my face and my throat is suddenly unable to create any sound. You know, since you died I can't sleep without dreaming of you. And as a result of that I wake up in tears... Just your memory isn't enough for me. I need you! And I haven't realized that until now... I had taken you for granted, that you'd always be there no matter what, just like you had until there. But now... Now it's like a part of me died along with you.
I didn't even want to come, in order to ignore this stupid reality and not accepting this. But I couldn't stop thinking about it either and came to the conclusion that you'd be certainly pissed off and disappointed at me if I didn't come... And that I couldn't live with: I'd end up regretting it.
I reached once again for my wallet and took those four snapshots we took on our trip, after you drag me into a photo boot. Each of us had a copy so we could always remember one another. After you're gone your family sent me a few things assuming that being one of her best friends. Most of it were gifts we exchanged along the years and pictures of us together. When I saw your copy of these snapshots I was confused: the last one was missing... My personal favorite, mind you. I continued to take a trip along that memory lane which were your things. When I got to the music box I had offered in one of your birthdays I remembered you told me that it was the best birthday present you had ever got and that you listened to it every night... That's why I was surprised, in a good way of course, that inside of it was the last snapshot. The last thing you saw at night and the first thing when you woke up was our photograph. The first three of the set were us joking around but in this last I had pulled you into a kiss and that moment had been recorded forever.
I decided to stay with your set, but I still want you to have something as a remembrance... So I decided to give you mine. I know you'd be embarrassed if this was shown so I'll tape it to the space between the two stones. Where people can't see it. But we both know it'll be there.
And now, that it's all done... The only thing I feel is this need to cry my eyes out and I can't stop it anymore.

E SE... ?

Lua Nova, 29 de Agosto de 2011


Porque é que nunca estás contente? Num momento, está tudo bem. No outro, encontras todas as razões para estares sem me falares.
Não consigo perceber como é que funcionas ou porque fazes isto: tentas de tudo para me zangar contigo e atirares as culpas para cima de mim. O problema é que não consegues, pois a culpa é tua... E sabes disso.
Não queres falar, tudo bem. Mas eu também sou demasiado orgulhosa para dar o primeiro passo. Tão parecida contigo e não me entendes... Não precisas de me explicar essa parte. Queres mais atenção, queres que reparem em ti... Precisas de todas as pessoas a olharem para ti, para sentires que as pessoas te vêem. Te vejam: a ti e não a sombra de alguém! E eu sou a pessoa mais próxima para te vingares.
Enquanto manténs esse "espectáculo", eu odeio-me, mal-digo o meu orgulho e sofro o quanto tempo estou separada de ti a fingir que desapareceste da face da Terra e tu fazes o mesmo em relação a mim... Estou sempre a pensar no que poderíamos estar a fazer, divertir-me contigo... Até implicar contigo. Não há um momento em que não pense em ti: és a única pessoa sem a qual não imagino viver.
Isto destrói-me... Principalmente, quando penso "E se amanhã já não tiver a oportunidade de me rir contigo? E se nunca mais tiver a oportunidade de ser eu a dizer «Desculpa.» só para acabar com esta zanga? E se esta ira for a última coisa que sentes por mim?" Pensamentos mórbidos, mas que só preocupam quando não falas comigo.
E quando tudo passa, voltamos ao mesmo. Embora não admitas, eu sei que sentiste saudades. Tiras-me este peso da minha consciência... E estou outra vez ao pé de ti. Tens toda a minha atenção e tudo o que peço em troca é um pouco da tua.
Destas vezes só penso "E se nunca mais tivéssemos de nos zangar? E se ficasses assim, sempre ao meu lado? Não seria fantástico?"

LIKE A MOTH TO A FLAME

Lua Nova, 30 de Junho de 2011


His eyes followed Rose's every movement on her seat, two rows below his own. It had become like this for a while now, but he couldn't make up his mind about the "when"... Today, last week or last month? Dan wasn't sure: all he knew was that this has been up for at least one hour now. And he had exactly... «One hour and 24 minutes left until the class is over.»
If he had been like this on the other classes, then it was explained why all he remembered, mostly on Physics, was where Rose sat, how she had done her hair, whom she sat next to and - if it was the case, when he was the one who sat beside her - what she talked about and how she was able to still pay attention to what was being taught.
He knew her for five years now... Though he wasn't sure of what he felt about Rose, he was certain that she was more than a friend to him. Was it because of how she acted more spontaneous around him? Dan hadn't seen her laugh freely many times. He enjoyed the fact that he had been the one who made her laugh like that a few times.
Some of the guys didn't understand why he tried so hard to spend time with her. Most of the times she refused. He couldn't deny that... But whenever she refused he could see something in her eyes, something he couldn't decipher. He wanted to know what it was. Rose always showed a polite, responsible, smiley side of her and Dan knew that she had more beneath that... It wasn't her true side. At least not most of the time: she was polite and responsible and smiley. He didn't mean to say otherwise! What he meant was that she couldn't be like that all the time! That was abnormal, inhuman... Rose was human, therefore she had to have other feelings. Feelings that she deliberately chose not to show.
Truth was that she was appreciated by everyone: not liked, but not disliked neither. Her attitude towards her friends was more open than towards others and still she kept that smiley façade. «Is she like that to me, too?» This gave him something to think of but concluded that she wasn't.
«Is everything all right?» Kevin was looking straight at him. «Yeah, why shouldn't it be?» Then he crossed his arms over his chest, slouched down on the chair and furrowed his brows while pouting. After that he started glaring to the teacher. «Ah, nothing.» Was his only reply. Was he mad at Dan?... But his voice sounded like he was joking... Not angry. Dan spent a while figuring out what was wrong in this picture and then he got it. «The joke is on me.» Kevin was mimicking his pose perfectly. Dan had been so caught up in his thoughts that didn't notice that he was letting his emotions show through his posture. «Ah ah ah. Dead funny Kevin.» Said person sat up straight immediately grinning. «So you finally got it... You had some people glancing at your behavior and laugh, others just glanced and started with the gossips. On my behalf... I was counting how many different faces you made since class started. Glaring was the eighth.» Dan nudged him in the ribs in order to make him stop. «It's nothing to worry about. I was just thinking.» He said with a bit of annoyance.
Kevin was pretty bored and his attention was no longer in hydrodynamics. «What's or who's so important that got you so... Let's just say: distracted?» Dan glared at him. Kevin surely knew what he was thinking about: now and then he would drop hints like this whenever he was with Rose - who used to ignore or not listen at all; at least, pretended to do it - or something along the lines. He was one of the smartest guys Dan had ever known... In fact, he didn't know who was smarter: Kevin or Rose. He decided to play like Rose: ignore Kevin. She made this work perfectly and if he continued to talk she usually came with some witty and funny remark enough to make him laugh and drop or change the subject. «Damn! She had to be the smartest out of the two.»
Kevin's voice sounded again full of fake concern. «Did you listen? I'm waiting for an answer.»
«Ignore him.»
«You're being really mean and rude to your best friend...»
«Oh, look! A new formula... I think I've seen it before.»
«Won't you answer me, -»
«I get it. I had already wrote it down.»
«- Daniel?»
Dan snapped his head in Kevin's direction. If his eyes shot laser, Kevin would be so dead right now. Now he had showed Dan that he knew about Rose. She was the only who called Dan by his full name.
Kevin was the first one to spoke up again. «I knew it had to do with her. I don't get it! I really don't. Why are you so... So... So obsessed with Rose! She doesn't deserve half of it.»
«What? Why?» Dan looked surprise. He didn't know that Kevin was so against whatever he felt - though it wasn't obsession - for the girl. «I just like her.»
«No. You don't "just like her"! You're always talking about her, always searching for her, always inviting her to go out, always looking at her! That has to be obsession." Kevin was getting a little out of hand at the moment.
Dan stood in place wondering about everything his friend had just said. He kept quiet in order to make Kevin calm down. «If it really is like this, I'm surprised she didn't notice... Why hasn't anyone else noticed? The way Kevin talks it's almost like I'm always being drawed to her. Just like a moth to a flame.»
Kevin calmed down and talked again. «Furthermore, she doesn't care at all about you.»
«She does! I know her better than you.» Was Dan's too much heated reply, which resulted in a few faces glancing in his direction - including the teacher.
The two boys sit up straight and started whispering. «I don't doubt that. But the way I see it, you're the one who cares the most! You have lots of girls chasing after you, many are prettier than Rose.» Kevin was determined to know. «Why don't you fancy one of them? Why don't you even give them a chance?»
Dan was fuming. «Why are you so against Rose? She may not be just as pretty, but it's more than that!»
«Than what is it? Because I can't see it and, certainly, no one else can. Besides, I'm not against her, I'm her friend... I just want to understand you.» Kevin took a small pause, as if wondering what or how to say something. «I'm one of the few who noticed about you and her - even though you're so obvious, people think that you're just airheaded - and from what I see, you're always approaching her and getting to know her. I think that she likes you more than she likes the rest of us, but I don't know if it's more friendship trust, because you know each other longer, or if she's that shy about loving you.»
This bewildered Dan. Kevin had understood the whole scene so perfectly in this half of hour, when a while ago he was just wondering why he was more interested in Rose than in class.
As his friend didn't reply, Kevin continued. «I won't bother you more. I just want you to think about this: you are trying to "build" a new relationship between the two; is she trying too?» He turned his head to his notes. «I might be wrong, but you're too naïve. You trust too easily and expect the same in return. I don't want you to get disappointed because if that happened, you wouldn't be able to face Rose again and both of you are my best friends in this college.» And finished with a small laugh. «As a matter of fact, I prefer you to date Rose, than any of your fangirls!»
As Kevin became silent and turned all of his attention to the class Dan turned back his attention to the girl that had gotten him so confuse. «What if Kevin was right and she didn't return his feelings as he wished every day and night? He really was too naïve. But he also knew that she felt more about him than just friends. He knew, right?»
The class was almost over and many students had already quit pretending paying attention and left. In Dan's mind time and space didn't exist right now. Only one thing mattered. «If I am drawed to Rose like a moth to a flame, will I get burnt if I get too close to her?»
It was a bet he had to take at his own risk.

CRASH AND BURN

Wow, este mês tem duas luas novas... o.O
Who cares? A Universidade não está cá para se meter no caminho >:) *Muahahah*

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Lua Nova, 01 de Julho de 2011


How did she get to that point? A little group had gathered around them but the great majority was still doing whatever they were doing before the argument started.
"You wouldn't dare..." The 10-year-old boy who had picked a fight with her thought she was bluffing?
She was screaming at him and he still didn't get that she wanted him far away, as soon as possible! She was sick of him and his knows-it-all act.
Two of the other girls around her were saying something about let him be... That it wasn't worth it and the teachers might see.
Beating him up would definitely be something worth it. This simple thought made her smile. She tightened the grip around the object in her right hand.
The guy was still in his place. She decided to explain it so he could understand that she wasn't kidding in any way. "Try me. Say anything else and the next thing you'll feel is this racket hitting you square in the face." As walking in his direction she raised her arm, which makes him take a step back.
The group started to get agitated. "Wait, you're going too far." The basement/gym was as loud as ever with the other 4th graders and underclass graders.
She turned to them. "He was the one who started it! I can't take more of it!"
The boy was trying hard not to move and stayed there. From an outsider point of view, it would have been a very intense glaring contest between the two of them.
"He's like that because no one cares about him. He has no friends or what-so-ever." Someone said.
Her mind was working miles an hour. Every thought in her head was passing at light speed. What do I do now? If he was someone else everything I had already said would have been more than enough to send him away and never put sight on him again... But he had nerve. Lots and lots of it! Even though she was burning inside with rage she let her arm down inhaled a sharp breath. "Can you just leave me alone?" Was all that she asked. Then she turned away... Along with her, the group started to disband and going to her... Maybe just in case she changed her mind.
A voice behind her spoke up. "You're just afraid, aren't you?"
That's it. She turned around in the boy's direction and walked swiftly to him. As she started to raise the racket he closed his eyes. Why? Didn't he say she was bluffing? She swung it backwards with all her might...

Suddenly it got incredibly quiet. Except for the cries. Only they didn't come from the guy in front of her. She was sure she still hadn't swung it forward but it had hit something. She looked at the brunette: his face was in shock. With eyes wide open she looked back. One of the girls that earlier told her to stop was bleeding from the nose. Her lips moved faster than her mind processing what had happened. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She kept on crying. The teachers came and started taking care of her. "It was me! I hitted her with the racket... But it was an accident!" Now, she was almost on the verge of tears too. They tried to tranquilize both her and crying girl. Her nose wasn't broken and just after a good while she stopped crying and calmed down. The teachers left and things became normal again. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Just stop this... We don't want you in trouble." Was all that she said after going to the bathroom to wash her face.
All the anger had been turned into worry and shock. It was all because of him. She turned to him. He was still there watching her every movement. "It's all your fault, you know? I wanted to hit you." He remained silent. "Why do you keep pestering me?"
"I'm sorry." An answer at last. "You're the only one who still notices me."
She stared right back at him. "That's your fault too." She lowered her head wondering why was he still wanting to talk to her... She had been about to hit him. Probably more than one time... "The way you behave... It's like you're trying to make fun of others."
"I'm just trying to make friends."
"Well, it's not working." She looked up angrily. "You're doing it the wrong way. We don't care if you just moved here, if you have been in other schools, if you you're old classmates all adored you..."
"Now you're being ridiculous."
Is he smiling? "It's called sarcasm." She sighed. "I don't even know why I'm talking to you..."
He glanced to his side. "Would you be friends with me? You're the closest person to this term, at least for me... I promise you that I won't do anymore of the things that you said before."
It's not like getting angry at each other is doing any good. She remembered her hurt friend. "Boasting? It's better if you won't." Would it be too bad? Friends... "I'll think it over. But not today, I'm not feeling very well."
He lowered his head in acceptance. "Me neither." And with that he turned away.
"Maybe tomorrow." She said loud enough for him to hear. "Let's talk on the first break."
He stopped but didn't turn. "Maybe..." It was hard to perceive but she could almost imagine him smiling.
And with that she went to her injured friend making sure she was alright...

FRIENDSHIP

Lua Nova, 01 de Junho de 2011


How did it turn out like this? Why does it always turn out like this?
Since I can remember I've been screwing up my whole life: school, jobs and... friends? I never had friend. At least 'till a few days. The only ones who'd stand me were the old man and spotty-four-eyes. They stood my childish tantrums, fights that I got into and always cared for me. Even so, I was alone! No one would get near me. They called me "demon". I knew I was different from the very start but... I'm not a demon! The old geezer shoul've told me the truth earlier... After all, I am one!
After his death, when my brother and I got to enter this place, I'd made my mind to change to a whole new person: I'd be "good". I hadn't got in a single fight for months! And I've been trying to study.
During this last examination we worked together. I've been protecting them: the only ones who had coped with me without hating me. As if we wouldn't help you out!
It felt... Really, really good. Don't forget you have friends! Being surrounded by friends was a cool feeling.
However, I was able to ruin it all. Why... The hell is Satan's kid here in the Academy!? From friend to foe in less than 12 hours... I really am something aren't I?
The look they gave me the following days, their atittude and so on: fear and disgust mixed together.
I'll make sure to show them that I'm not a beast, that I'm not Satan's son (even though I am... biologically speaking). I'm an exorcist... No I'm the exorcist who'll kick Satan's ass and become the best Paladin that the world has ever seen.
But before... I'll make up with my friends. We'll be together again and have a great time very soon!
I'll use my power to protect those who care for me.
Just watch me old man... You can't miss a thing.


Ao no Exorcist (c) Katou Kazue. This is just fan-art.

MEANINGLESS

Lua Nova, 03 de Maio de 2011


"My stomach hurts..." The boy growled. "I don't think I can eat anything else for the rest of my life."
The girl that was helping him to walk scoffed. "I warned you earlier to not go and challenge Mike to an eating contest!" She reminded him while thinking of their friend. "All he ever does is eating." And is skinny nevertheless. She furrowed her brows and muttered. "Stupid super-high-speed metabolism."
Charles looked up. "Did you say anything?"
"Errr... No, no, no... Are you feeling better?" She asked a bit concerned.
He slouched down again. "Not much, Beth... I'm sorry I'm being such a pain in the ass and make you almost carry me all the way home." He turned to face her with a very pale face.
"It's not like there was much of a choice... You couldn't make it in this state." He tensed only a little but it was enough for Beth to notice. She was making him feel guilty. "Besides, I would never leave you when you needed help... Think of it more like a payback for all the times you protected me back then."
He averted his face to the side. "What are you talking about? You... Don't need protection."
"Maybe not now... But I know what you did in the elementary and, probably, in high school." She smiled to him. "You sticked up for me and threatened a few boys and girls who mocked me because I was the new girl in town."
He huffed and turned to her looking apologetic. "Tell me... Are you... mad? 'Cause I... Didn't mean... To..."
Beth halted her step and sat on the sidewalk with him. He was pausing his speech way too much. "Hey, Charles? Are you alright?"
"No. I think I need... To..."
She knew what was coming. "What?! Don't do it on me! Turn to the other side! I'll help you out." And so, she tended to him while he emptied his stomach from all the food previously eaten during the contest.
When Charles felt better they resumed their way to his house. "I'm sorry, B."
"Don't worry! Maybe now you'll feel better... But next time warn me earlier that you want to throw up and don't do it on me." She reassured him with a soft smile. "Come on. We're almost there."
They remained silent the rest of the trip. They got to his apartment and let him in his bedroom to change clothes while she headed for the kitchen and prepared a light snack and some tea so he didn't slept without eating nothing.
"Beth, you didn't need to cook..." He said at his arrival to the kitchen.
"I know. But I wanted to do something for you... Or else you'd starve!" She flashed a grin in his direction. He smiled back looking a little better.
"Well, if that's the case I shall eat this superb meal that was prepared with so much love and care by milady." He said with a mocking tone.
"Don't be so excited it's just a meaningless snack so you eat before sleep." Beth told him.
Charles stop laughing and said in a serious tone. "It's not meaningless. Eveything that is done in order to help someone it's not meaningless."
She was shocked by her friend seriousness.
"Okay." Was what she managed to say after his speech... Then an awkward silence fell upon them.
Charles spoke up first. "It's late. You should go home: your mother must be worried."
"Yeah... Well, you know what to do if you feel worse?" She asked smiling again.
He sweatdropped. "Call 911?"
"No need for such drastic measures... You just have to get up from your bed, go to the win-..."
"Window, open it and knock on yours... Yeah, yeah mum. I also won't forget to brush my teeth before going to sleep. Can you tell me a sleep-time story?" He said non-chalantly.
"Ah ah ah!" She went to him and kissed him on the cheek. "You're a very good boy, but I guess I really have to go now. Bye" Beth waved him while leaving his apartment.
Now he was all alone. How could she be so dense? If it wasn't for her... I sure wasn't here right now.
What he told her was the truth... All that was she's done for him wasn't meaningless.
Before drifting off to sleep, the last thing on his mind was her. Only if she knew what she means to me.

LEITURAS SEM SENTIDO

Lua Nova, 03 de Abril de 2011


Adoro ler! Sinceramente, não me importo muito com o que leio... Claro que o facto de gostar do que estou a ler diferentes resultados e certas pessoas sabem disso.
A minha literatura preferida é prosa. - não sou muito fã de poemas, embora haja alguns de que goste... Prosa essa que, de preferência, inclua alguma misticidade (magia, anjos, vampiros, demónios, dragões...), drama e romance. Livros de terror, mistério, policiais e romances históricos também são muito importantes...
Não consigo referenciar livros preferidos. A sério! Cada um me marcou de maneira diferente e não consigo colocá-los numa hierarquia sem me sentir culpada ou estar constantemente a trocá-los de um lado para outro. Não, não gosto de tudo o que li... Mas dos que gosto, não têm nenhuma ordem preferencial.
Quando olho para as estantes e prateleiras ocupadas pelos meus livros só penso: preciso de mais uma. Mesmo não tendo a livraria que gostaria de ter, ainda consigo ter livros espalhados pela secretária e pelo banco. "Porque é que não sacas alguns e-books?" Bem... Para além de não querer incentivar à pirataria *cough cough* detesto ler livros nos computadores! Para mim, nada substitui o prazer indescritível de ler um livro. - desculpem árvores sacrificadas devido à utilização de papel. O cheiro do papel, o som do folhear, o próprio acto de folhear e o facto de o levar para onde quiser, sem correr o risco de ficar sem bateria e não haver tomadas.
Acho correcto dizer que sou uma leitora um pouco compulsiva. A maior parte do tempo não leio, porque preciso de me concentrar, nomeadamente, nas aulas. Mas quando leio, leio... Não faço muito para além de ler, a não ser que me obriguem a parar - normalmente, aos gritos para ir comer. Alguém uma vez disse «Quando começo a ler, deixo tudo... Não o livro, mas o que me rodeia». É exactamente isso que me acontece! Quando leio algum livro de que gosto entro numa espécie de transe em que tudo o que me rodeia desvanece e só existo eu, o livro e a minha imaginação a correr a mil-à-hora. Entro dentro da história e consigo ver claramente o que se passa em redor dos personagens e com os personagens! Na verdade, é quase como se fosse um deles... Nesses momentos é que pode a casa ir abaixo que eu, provavelmente, nem dava conta: passo folhas e folhas sem me dar conta do tempo passar e não me importo com isso. O problema é que o resto do mundo se importa... Principalmente, se estão à minha espera! Quando tenho de interromper esse transe a que chamam leitura, não faço outra coisa se não pensar na história no que já li, como irá terminar e no que gostaria que acontecesse depois do final do livro - quase, quase como uma obsessão...
Quando penso em como gostaria de ler alguma coisa nova - porque muitas vezes durante o tempo de aulas só re-leio para não ficar muito obcecada pela história, que mesmo assim continua tão excitante como na primeira leitura - um dos pensamentos seguinte é, quase sempre, o quão deprimente deve ser o analfabetismo. Pessoas que nunca tiveram a possibilidade de ler um livro. Pessoas que nunca tiveram a hipótese de chegar a casa, pegar num livro, abri-lo e ver alguma coisa para além de caracteres indecifráveis. Pessoas que, provavelmente, nunca conseguiram libertar-se deste mundo e entrar noutros tão mágicos e diferentes.
Ver um filme adaptado de um livro é o equivalente a ver o que outros leram... Há pessoas que nunca tiveram a possibilidade de ler e "fazer" o seu próprio filme. Isso deprime-me... Maioritariamente, por saber que não há ninguém que lhe leia algum livro.
Quando era mais nova nunca ninguém me leu histórias, porque, sinceramente, ninguém em minha casa gostava muito de ler... Se queria saber o que era cada letra, como é que se liam certas letras juntas ou o que significavam certas palavra tinha que andar a perguntar: acabei por aprender a ler mais cedo! Lembro-me claramente de andar com livros de BD do Mickey, pato Donald, tio Patinhas, etc. a perguntar coisas dessas aos meus avós. Mal aprendi a ler razoavelmente bem - ou seja sem fazer perguntas a ninguém - não me lembro de ter parado de ler.
Sempre que leio tenho a oportunidade de sair deste mundo de preocupações e entrar num que, dado os meus gostos, nunca poderia conhecer na realidade. Mas é para isso que existe a ficção! Para nos fazer sair de nós e ser outra pessoa, dar-nos um novo sentido à vida e desenvolver a nossa imaginação.
É uma daquelas coisas que adoro fazer. Se me impedissem de ler, estariam a impedir-me de viver - ou, no mínimo, a tirar-me o prazer de o fazer.

PRISÃO

Lua Nova, 04 de Março de 2011


Não percebo nada. Sinceramente... Não percebo o porquê.
Porque é que me é tão difícil atravessar este muro? Não fisicamente: bate-me apenas um pouco acima da cintura; mas psicologicamente... Emocionalmente.
Atrás dele, tudo é diferente: o cimento é substituído por terra, os edifícios por árvores, todas as cores monótonas substituídas por outras mais vivas!
Passo horas a imaginar o que há por detrás do que consigo ver... Como seria, se entrasse naquele universo completamente diferente?
Quantos dias passo a olhar para ele?
Quanto tempo passo a pensar em como seria "Se..."?
Quantas horas passei sentada em cima do muro, sem nunca me atrever a mais do que a pôr os pés em cima da terra coberta de folhas mortas do outro lado... Sem nunca deixar aquela barreira que me separa... Me separa. Do quê? Liberdade? Não... Ou sim. Não sei... Mas separa-me de algo que quero.

Mais uma vez, sento-me neste muro e penso "Porque não?", mas logo em seguida os meus movimentos ficam restringidos por correntes invisíveis. E essas sei o que são. O que me mantém nesta prisão dos meus próprios sentimentos!
Por isso... Em vez de transpô-lo, fico no mesmo sítio: nesta espécie de fronteira... Esperando algo, alguma coisa. Algo que não me deixe apenas como observadora... Alguma coisa que me faça tomar a decisão de agir, sem medo!
No entanto, nada acontece e acabo sempre por nunca atravessá-lo e voltar para o mesmo lado de sempre: dentro da minha própria prisão de monotonia.

FALLEN

Lua Nova, 03 de Fevereiro de 2011


I can't believe it.
I'm free.
I managed to run away. I can feel it all. The mud splashing beneath my feet, the leafs whipping my limbs and chest, the rain dripping from my hair right down on my face and back. And I'm running. Running. And it feels so good.
No more needles, experiments, torture or anything. I'm allowed to do whatever I want. And so, I laugh... The sound of my laughter pierces my ears. It had been so long since I've heard myself... My voice. These cries of pure joy.
I've been closed up in that lab for half a century. Had gone through awful things. And I wasn't the only one. Though it pained me, I haven't helped my companions... But there was no way I could. Or I'd be captured again... But I will help them. Right now I'll search for others of my kind.
I should be miles away, even though it had passed only a few minutes... And this "little" run has been enough to put my blood flowing. Let's speed up, spread wings and... Soar... In the bluest of the skies. He still remembered his first flight (not one of his finest moments) but it still felt the same. He heard the movement of his wings following the tempo marked by the beating of his heart.
I'm free. Free to reach the sky. The excitement make my heart thump faster, but... This is too fast. AAAAARRRRGGHHHHHHHH!!! MY BACK! It burns...

I open my eyes to see grey. And to feel an excruciating pain on my back. I shivered covered in cold sweat. all those monochrome colors and metallic sounds around me made me realize that I was back into my cell... Correction: that I was still in my cell. Apparently I never left. It was all an hallucination.
I tried to scream knowing that no sound would ever leave my throat. My hands made their way up to feel the stitches of an old surgery where they cut my vocal cords.
I needed something.
I tried to bring my left wing forward to warm me up. It hurts but I have to try. Why can't I see it? Where is the white tainted by the colors of sunrise? I turn my back to the people watching me all-high-and-mighty in their lab coats, scribbling and whispering to each other as I realize that my wing had been removed... All that was left was some kind of cut bone in each side of my back.
I lay still enduring everything. I bring my knees to my chest and cover my face in a feeble attempt to hide the shame of being wingless. No matter how much I try to use the muscles that supported my wings it only brings more pain.
The others are probably in the same state. Now we're nothing but deformed creatures.
Fallen angels that will never have the chance to rise up again.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

Lua Nova, 04 de Janeiro de 2011


How can it be? How can you do this to me? Everything was okay before you appeared: I was top student, all the girls looked up to me, some boys admired me and the great majority of the male students feared me. And I was okay with that... I was perfectly fine. As the president of the student council I was respected. All of them acknowledged my work.
Then you came. You entered my life and turned it upside down. I had to see you, not only in school, but in my part-time job too, that I really don't know how the hell you found out, most likely you stalked me with yours out-of-this-world-pervert powers and I seriously tried my best to put you out of there.
You took away my place as the student with the best grades and even manage to get some of the guys looking up to you because of your "influence" on me. I treated you as the rest of the boys and you didn't back off and feared me... No! You got closer and teased me even more! Always teasing, teasing, teasing! What's up with that?

What on the entire Earth makes you care for me when all I do is pull you away? I was able to keep my emotions at a quite stabilized level except when I dealt with those crazy-hormoned-guys who can't leave the poor, fragile minority, us girls are in this school. Honestly, how would they hang on without me.
But you... You... You changed everything! I swore I'd never care so much about a person of your disgusting race of cheating liars! Yet, you made everything within your power to make me trust you. And I do! And I don't know why...

This turmoil of feelings inside me... I want to express them. But this anger... This frustration... It's impossible!
I want you to disappear... But I don't want it at the same time: I don't want you to leave my side!
I want these emotions to go away... Yet, I can't part with them.
I hate you and what you did to me... However, I think I love you more than I am able to feel and all I want is your love back: I love those moments when you look at me with those incredibly green eyes and repeat over and over again I love you. Even when you're doing it only to tease me and see my "interesting expressions".
I hate my blushing and stumbling with words whenever I want to tell it back to you, that something I'd sworn I'd never say. But you're blushing as much I am and you have a surprised face like this would only happen in a dream... And then you show that loving smile that makes me wish I was able to say it one more time.

Tell me.
How did this happen? When did this happen?
When did we get together? Were we even apart?
How did I fall for you? How did you make me love you?
Why do you love me? Why did you always loved me?
Will you keep loving me?